i'm sitting herre, in a pair of flannel pants and boxers, and a big t-shirt, getting hotter and hotter.
and, surprisingly, it's not because of the clothes. it's the realisation that i'm getting no sleep in that scenario: the cliche where you talk all through the night. and this time, it wont matter that we wake up at 2 the next afternoon - we have all the time in the world, just between us.
i am seeing first hand the fruits of patience: it was once just out of reach..... not now. it's so, so close, i can brush my fingertips against its surface, it's just a matter of time before it turns around and i can grip onto it and pull it close
and in this same strange analogy, i will say whole heartedly that optimism pays off - if i'd fallen over and given up i'd not be where i am now, with such beautiful people.
but no - its a challenge, a game, a hard one to fight, this life. but we do it anyway, because not doing so means that everyone else wins, and i miss the opportunities i dream of. but there they sit, grinning in a way that makes me nervous and calm and excited .... all at the same time. and i'm fairly certain that if my determaination to be 'lucky' and positive wasn't as strong as it is, i'd be a lot lonelier and more bored than i am now.
it begins as an uncertainty. you can't know the person behind the face, the smile behind the lips, without opening yourself to maybe being figured out, yourself.
As it currently is, i think i got lucky.
and yeah, this is just me going on about how great my life is.
fact is, this once, i don't care how stuck up i sound about it: my life is GOOD. Ripped todays exam to shreds, and fought to keep the people i care about around. I have a pool to dive into and wash away the day, and a garden to hide in and sun myself to imprint today onto me for all to see.
i don't do drugs, as a choice, but also because ive never, ever been around them. pretty sheltered, hey. but i bet this is what being high feels like - its all a little surreal, and im having trouble pulling my thoughts together, as shown by the atrocious format of this post.
i'm always over analysing things, re-reading things, just in case i misinterpreted it. really, it just fills in as a reassurance that i havent just fucked up something good.
and then... i realised that the best way to do this, is just to be me - if people leave because of the way i am, theyre not worth my time. easy.
going to make a spot to hang out up the back, i think. all welcome if you know who i am and where i live, that is. haha. i figure its a place to hang out with good food, good drink and great music, on the picnic rugs and chairs just as us.
sounds good, hey?
thats because life's good.