Tuesday, 30 June 2009

all and none

isn't it funny how things can just.... sneak up on you?
this will be my 170th post in under 2 years.
my 7th year of being at my current school.
my 17th birthday.
certain coming-of-age things.
year 12.
June, July, and the rest of this year.

so i sit here, listening to Moonlight Sonata, contemplating where the time went and how i'm possibly going to fit in everything that i have to, into 2 weeks, with a few days left spare to not work.
in a word: yuck.
certainly not impossible, but, well, we shall see.....

overview from an emotional standpoint- the point of mentioning things sneaking up.
this is so not the time to put added emotional and physical stress on onesself. however, this is what i, and others, have done. and as my homeroom probably noticed, it all got a bit too much today. though i knew He was okay, and that it would be fine, cut ankle and all, it scared the bjeebers out of me, since i'm places in a somewhat self-imposed cage of non-contact.

i wonder some days if i should have moved schools in year 10 when i was seriously considering it, what with tiring of Falsies and fights and internal power struggles etc, but i didn't, and its much too late now. i'd have gone to one of the senior colleges, probably USC, like we're thinking about for Imi, or it was suggested. as it stood, i knew that as soon as year 11 started, it was too late - its almost suicide to start a new school in year 12, its too stressful, and because of my schollarship, i have to give 12 months notice before un-enrolling (is that a word?). bah humbug.
oh well, trial exams in 2 weeks, and then only like... 10 weeks til the actual exams. holy mother of god where did that come from? it's been sitting in my shadow, quietly following me, and now when im least expecting it, it has jumped out and whispered menacingly into my ear 'i'm coming to get you....!!'

which reminds me (dont ask how)..... Bessie's Guide for Girls who want more from life, by Bessie Bardot, is a fantastic book and extremely helpful. a definite must read for girls.
and on this note, i will but thee adieu.

peace out.

Monday, 29 June 2009

Stream of Consciousness of some relevance.

It would be so easy to make a post right now about false friends and bitching and, more specifically, people printing off this blog to show to people to show how terrible a person I am.

But this is of no consequence. Primarily because statements such as 'oh, she'll lose all her friends over this' are rightly true. Of false friends, that is. And I have known who such human beings are for a long, long while.

So, for this sheer fact, I ignore all the bull floating around and the death-stare/thoughts, etc.
it's actually funny, if you look at it from an external point of view. Which is why like many things, I take it with a pinch of salt, and think of other things, like daisies and the smell of books.
Slightly odd? probably, but that’s how I roll, so it’s all good XD

speaking of rolling, exams are doing just that, rolling around the corner, staring greedily with an evil glint in their eye as they watch us move closer and closer to their mouths, read for them to consume us and spit us out in week 2 of next term.
Yuck. Exam slobber.

I do think, however, that this too must be taken with a pinch of salt, though undoubtedly more serious than the whole blogger vs. child thing.

I am actually considering changing this blog, which may sadden some people, and excite others, because it’s breaking the rules of not describing my personal life. Having said as such, no names have been mentioned so I’m not legally in trouble, nor has it been particularly terrible stuff, merely stating my disapproval of people that get to where they are by their apparent lack of integrity. This includes business ceo's, waiters, musicians, producers, and so forth. So it’s big people as well as little people, so to speak. I love the fact that there are some success stories out there that show true brilliance and diplomacy and rock solid morals.
I admit that I falter at times, everyone does as some point - to err is human.
It’s just that my mum and dad brought me up to never use the word hate, because it is such a strong word, and to use the word 'love' just as carefully for the same reason. my dad, an ex policeman, is the man I think of when I think about what’s right and wrong, because he is rational and calm and objecting about almost everything, and most importantly, he taught me all I know about humanity, or warned me of it, so that when I got to it in my own lifetime, which I have for some things, I would know a little of what to expect. Mum did the same, though she has a much more fiery personality than my father does, so it is common for her to be caught in the moment and say things she doesn’t mean. Hence the careful distinction between the two.
I was taught that you never cheat, ever. That you do not steal, you treat people how you want to be treated. This is why I am painfully aware of the times when I say things that I shouldn’t. Again, karma. It seems that others are brought up differently, believing that it is imperative to succeed by any means necessary. This is okay, as long as it's honest. Often this is not the case, which irritates the bajeebers outta me.

And, like all things on this blog of mine, if I have an opinion on it, I write about it. I did warn, at one point I am sure, that some of the opinions expressed on here were my own and nobody else's and that I am not going to debate these just because they are up here, it is designed for me to tell my story to the world, and that is all.
20 minutes

Friday, 26 June 2009

letter to a follower

Dear Not Specified,

I noticed a few seconds ago, as I have previously, that there is a 'not specified' following my blog (ooh, isn't it exciting that you get mentioned in your very own post?!?!?!!!)
As such, I ask you politely to give yourself a name. Primarily, this is because I like to know who is reading so intently, and also because I don't like it when people choose to hide themselves.
Though, this isn't a stab at you, only that one request for an identity.



willpower vs genes

an intriguing thought besets my mind today.
as we dive into the realm for sci-fi and fantasy for this particular theory, please, hear me out...

it seems that i have the power to make things happen if i will it hard enough.
sure, some people say that that's just a product of working hard to achieve htese things, however, as many people are well aware, as much as you will yourself to get taller, or havve bigger body parts (or smaller, in some cases) it is unlikely to happen.
i often say that i got the dud end of the genes with the physical side of things, lord knows my sister is the more beautiful of the two and would be, if pushed mentally to want to achieve more, the smarter of the two. but hey, that's life. and thoguht i have wished so so hard to be taller, my growth is minimal these days, or so i thought.
and so, with things such as physical aspects which supposedly one cannot will to change, i have.
as has happened with a great many other things. it's creepy how i'll think aobut something and then within the next few days it's happening. thoguh for the bigger things it takes longer.
i know i sound like i have a big head in saying this, but i realise that i'm relaly lucky to have this happen, and i'm truly thankful for it.
as is He XD.

Thursday, 25 June 2009

Finally Stating the Truth

I am not entirely sure why having a dig at someone makes me feel so good.
Possibly it's because i still have that mean bully bone in my body that I prefer to ignore unless absolutely necessary (as on the sports field). Possibly because I've been waiting to do that for over two years. And DAMN it felt good to, just this once, be able to totally speak my mind and to have the recipient hear it. And, it is more than likely that said recipient will send mean nasty comments onto my beloved blog like he did last time, though that was for no reason whatsoever.

Fact is, I'm beyond caring.

Liken me, at this time, to a helium balloon that's just had it's strings cut, floating high above it all, in just the clean, cold air. Mmm, you can practically smell the freedom.

I actually think that this may be a more common theme from now on. No, not emphatically scolding someone without losing my temper.
I mean speaking the honest truth when it is called for, rather than choosing to stay silent. This is because I genuinely believe that there are those around me that are hypocritical in their approach towards others, and there are less and less people that really care about the way they treat others in their scramble for the top of the pile. It's a sad fact that these things come back to bite one in the arse. It is on this rather crude principle that karma is based. Or vice-versa. I guess one way to think about it is that pointing these out now is trying to prevent serious downfall later on.

Unlikely, but could happen - we've seen enough movies to tell us that if it is movie worthy, it must happen to some degree in reality.

and, indeed, i suspect that this incident will bite me on the arse, but i trult, truly, hope that he, and other 'friends' like him, ala the one that this whole thing was over, plus another three or so that are constantly 'borrowing' assignments, will take a good hard look at the way that they present themselves to the world and how they treat others.

I say this because, let's face it, nobody likes to spend time with people that are too self absorbed and self centred to realise that people don't like them for the very same thing...

...Oh, and I just have an intense dislike for people that simply must make a deal about their status.
30 minutes

Wednesday, 24 June 2009


i think i make a pretty good patriot. i'm not overly protective or stupid about it, but i also seem to get really defensive whenever one of my foreign friends makes a comment about australia being a prison.
i think its justified, after all, as i frequently remind the americans, SA was not settled by convicts, and i'm only part aus-heratige anyways (kiwi pride).
but, there's somethign about being degraded by a total stranger that makes me wanna bounce around like Tas Devil.
nothing wrong with that, is there?

Thursday, 18 June 2009

Time for Change?

at the risk of looking like a copycat, ala kitty's monster, i'm looking at a change of template.
i found these so far.
i'm looking for something not too stupid looking. i love the one i have now because it's kinda old style-looking, as in traditional, OLD paper, like a journal. if you have a better idea that'll suit that, let me know :)


The sheer state of conversation is slipping, I fear.
And the tide of hypocrisy is rising.
Sadly, I find it doubly entertaining and frustrating hearing people complain and or *cough* bitch about people doing some things when I am fully aware (and I hope they are too) that they are not too far from that same actuality.
However, of course, to point this out would have more or less said 'you hypocritical lying bitches'
and that is just so totally unsocial.
I guess it only reinforces the idea that people need to be mindful of their own things and no one else’s. Heaven knows it would make life easier. So much less political back stabbing etc.
Ah well, this is life. Only thing I can do about it is to stay clear of said homework/assignment/test cheats.

Speaking of test cheats...
this has long been a bone of contention with yours truly. It irritates me to no end that people resort to copying other people's work to boost their own marks. I think it is disgusting.
And so impractical! What if the copied answer is wrong? And then, if you're caught you are really in the shitter. Well, here, anyway.
I think it is somewhat sad. because I see two kinds of people that do this despicable behaviour: those that are not necessarily the sharpest tools in the shed, or have a form of learning difficulty making it harder to keep up with those that are lucky enough to have a properly functioning set of genes.

Ooh, yes, that's right, I said it.

the other type, are (in a ridiculous twist of irony) extremely capable students so fixated on beating everyone else and sitting in their own smugness and glory, that they freak out if it is possible that they will have some competition for this top spot.

However, I leave you with this small note that sums up the air of competition at school...

the success of an overachiever is kind of like a fart: invisible, but everyone knows it is there, and no one but the creator wants to put up with the side effects.

Peace out xx
Olivia K P
30 minutes

Sunday, 14 June 2009

The Definition of Me?????


existentialism [égzi sténsh'lizəm, éksi sténsh'l izəm]
philosophical movement centred on individual existence: a philosophical movement begun in the 19th century that denies that the universe has any in-built meaning or purpose.
It requires people to take responsibility for their own actions and shape their own destinies.

[Mid-20th century. <>

the effect of questioning what never was.

i watched stp2 again. and, once again, tibby affects me. i'm not sure why she's my favourite person. maybe because i think that she's the most beautiful one of the four, or that her experiences sometimes mirror my own. or that theres something about her that instantly draws me to her. i'm fairly certain that in real life, i would dislike her if i met her, her cynical outlook grates against my predominantly optiomistic one. but there is just... something.....
i dont know.

sometimes i wonder what would have happened if something had actually come to fruit.
where would i be? who would i be with? how would my life's outlook have changed?
who would they be? how would we live?
i dont know.
this ... instinct.... is so strong with me, i can barely comprehend it. all i know is that i was born to do that. not now, but later.

no, not now. but later.

Wednesday, 10 June 2009


i know this is a little random, but i'm gonna start posting my photos on here of my art project.... i'm at a loose end for what i'm going to do, but i know i want to include something like i've done already. any ideas that pop from this, or suggestions, i would LOVE to know.
am thinking something in watercolour or ink.

Peace out xx

Monday, 8 June 2009

This Week's LONG Post - though more entertaining than previous ones.

Well, there have been many a post recently on how school and the year is flying away from us and despite this, we must do everything we can to procrastinate.
Which is what I'm doing now. I'm not even really totally sure WHAT I could be doing other than this, but I'm sure it’s much more important.
maths? I have a test on Thursday. Only one of the week.
Biology? No, did too much yesterday to want to look at my biology books considering I'm up to date and spend most lessons trying not to fall asleep since all we do is check homework.
Art? No, done too much of my essay, again, and since my tree is at school there's none of that.
Legal? Oh no, it never ends! I guess there is this, considering there is 20 questions waiting for me to answer (haha, get it?)
Sorry, lame joke.
House arrest is doing this to me I swear.
Well, I can tell you this - by the end of it, I’ll certainly have a much cleaner room and be more in touch with my books.
It’s a quite nice thought, actually, being able to sit there on my bed, out of touch with everything not in the room.
Sad thing is that I think someone's installed an air conditioner in my room and set it to 'arctic circle in winter', and I need four layers of clothes to be warm in there.
It’ll be so nice when, at the end of the year, I can sit in the middle of my room with every single piece of paper I own spread around me, and I can go through it and...


(was that too overzealous?)

Seriously, though, it’s mostly school things that litter my room and make it horribly messy. Well, that and clothes, but they’re easier to put away because they have a place to live that never changes. (Apart from the odd sock or pair of underwear I find hiding under my pants, three drawers below their own, or a pom-pom-abundant, knitted beanie in my PJ drawer - possibly left there from last winter and the freezing nights I’ve had to endure - damn hills)

I think I need another spring clean, despite it being winter. I can't wait 3 months! I’ll be swimming in shredded paper, bus tickets and things Gus brings into my room to hide (that makes two of us... my problem is that I don’t have the nose to find them once I’ve hidden them, and then they turn up once every three years during my massive clean-outs)

I’m in a strange place at the moment. Yes, my dining room is looking terrifyingly like it's going to break under all my crap that’s spread all over it. In addition, yes, it's getting colder and my parents have FINALLY mutinied against me, put their foot down, and grounded me for pretty well the rest of the year. But we'll see what happens...
because I’m strangely content with the way that things are. I should probably be depressed or angry, except that annoying little voice in my head that most people call logic is telling me that I had it coming, and I know it's true. So, I’m not upset, because I can function without going out. I’d probably die if I didn't have access to my beloved blog that I take care of better than I do everything else (almost).
I’m not that upset about not being able to see Him on the weekends because, as another little voice, logic's cousin, aptly named cynicism, notes that I’ll be able to see Him at school 5 days of the week anyway, which defeats the purpose of the ban. This means no fooling around, but whatever. That’s not hard to achieve.

I think I’m going to delete msn from my computer.
However, I don't think that I actually will, because that's my only link to Brian and Pete and Sean.
Wow, that makes me sound a little bit like... well... loose. If taken the wrong way.

Stream of consciousness much?
Well, my art drawing is dry after covering the ink with water to see what happened, which was this...

However, it has now been 40 minutes since I began writing, and have managed to upload all my photos as well ^^ so, in lieu of this I’m actually going to begin writing things that will have some standing in regard to this whole inconvenience that is school.
If I don't post sometime soon, send the coastguard out to look for me, I may have been strangled by my computer cord or stabbed with a biro that's done what I should do and rebelled due to overuse.

Peace out
1 hour

Thursday, 4 June 2009

For Saz

I have an easy solution to this matter of living and dying, Saz:
Remember that although it could be tomorrow, or 90 years from now, when you're a vibrant, engaging old lady, you are ALIVE!
And for this reason, you have things to contribute to the world.
You have everything to give, and a whole world as your audience, of you wish it, so make the most of that life that you fear will end eventually.
You see, everything has its time on this earth, and everything has its time to move onto the next world, wherever, and whatever that may be.
It's about fighting the good fight, and doing what you love in the meantime. Sometimes, it's not so fun, and I know it's really, really hard to smile some days, but without the bad bits, we couldn't truly appreciate just how good the good ones really are.
Don't worry about when death comes, worry only about this question: 'have i done all that i can in this day?'

Keep smiling Saz, keep writing, keep being just you, because just you is enough, just you is perfect.