Thursday, 25 September 2008

日本 - Japan

みなさん こんにいちは。
hi everyone.

私は 日本の中です。

i'm in japan....... and i'm hopeless at speaking japanese... 0.o
just thought i'd pop by quickly whilst looking at my emails to say hello to any readers who stumbled accross my humble abode...

i'm having an amazing time and i will put my entire diary on a post when i get home.
note: some parts may be removed for censoring reasons....
anyways.... ciao for now.

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Hard to be happy

Its the hardest mood to keep going, happiness. there is so much in this life that is negative, annoying, or just plain depressing.
Ikid you not, its REALLY hard to stay happy. Happiness is tiring, draining.
In the end, it leaves one so worn out, its hard to express emotion.

So, on this matter, i have a rather important point to make:

Just because i am not bouncing off the walls does NOT mean that i am in a bad mood.
It does mean, however, that if you ask me what's wrong, I WILL get annoyed.

Someone I know keeps doing this. What they don't seem to understand is that if there was something I wanted to talk to them about, then I would.
Until such time, I don't have any want to talk to them about my life - its just ammo they can use later on.

Oh, that's another thing.....

What's the deal with fake friendship?

Because of it, I don't know who to trust.
Because I don't know who to trust, I don't know who to call a friend or not.
Its hard.
It puts me in a bad mood.
And then these same people ask me why I'm not feeling great.

If I said what I think, I'd not have ANY friends. and there goes all the fun of school.

Social complexities suck. big time.


A poem, by me....

always forgive.
never forget
always give something
never just take
always try to smile
never live every day with only a frown.
always remember that i love you
and don't ever, ever forget me.
because i'll never forget you.

Tuesday, 16 September 2008


happy happy happy.....

Haha I can't think straight from lack of oxygen, I'm floating so high.....

Forum speeches today....

Some of the usual crap - 'I did this, I am good at this, I am organised and responsible' etc, etc. fair call, but after 22 of those, it gets boring. Thankfully this time we had some people that were a little bit different....

Shannon was awesome - giant cue cards, a music soundtrack and not a single word spoken. (I voted for him just coz it was such cool idea, well ok, that and coz he's a great person...)
Justin - I've never laughed so much during a speech EVER!! you are one really funny guy when you want to be. Delivery was excellent, and the digs at said idiot chem teacher were so funny.
Then there was Henry with the Ikea analogy..... 'if Pulteney is Ikea then I am your allen key'. lol
and Prue's running analogy of Pulteney being a theatre. It was a great speech, I cant deny that.

As for me.....
Well, it couldn't have gone much worse, I think. I don't get nervous about public speaking - speaking in front of 1000 people kinda kicks that out of you - but I messed up really early on, and was a wreck for the rest of it. I came off shaking. Although, apparently I look cute when I'm nervous though - my voice certainly jumps about an octave higher, so apparently I got some sympathy votes. Haha yay for sympathy!!

Oh well.
I spoke to someone I've never spoken to before today, which was good - he's really nice, I'm just too shy to say hello O_o

Haha but its all okay.
Now just have to get the house leader interviews over and done with, finish this art assignment and pack for Japan, andIi'm all good :D

Good luck to me. lol, I'm so unorganised....


ps... look - its a smiley impersonating elton john: *-*


{{ H + U + G + S }}

just thought i'd make a quick note to say ....

i love hugs.

kisses too, but hugs are more appropriate when you're not going out with them.......

what I miss is those proper 'I don't want you to go' type hugs, the full-bodied, arms holding-you-close type ones, where its as though there's noone else on the planet except you and them.

i love those hugs.
i love all hugs, so long as theyre sincere.
i hate fake-huggers: hugs are special, anf not meant to be un-meant.

Sunday, 14 September 2008

I am.

i am a sun, spreading my warmth and light into even the coldest, darkest corners of people.
i am a healer, slowly closing the deep wounds of others.
i am a puppy, eager, loud, enthusiastic and slightly in awe of everything around me.
i am a spider web, strong, unique and beautiful until run into face-first.
i am a pompom, fuzzy and tickley, making people smile at my oddness.
i am wind, flying gently through the trees, picking up leaves, swirling them around then placing then gently back down to earth.

My lifeline.

you know that feeling, when you're totally lost for words?

that is me, right now.

within this hour I've been told I'm a great friend twice.

that's like being told that i am everything that i dream of being as a person.... twice.

so, because I'm feeling so gushy and loved, i just wanted to take this time, even though I should be doing homework, to make a shout out to some people that mean a lot to me.....


thank you.

thank you for being my friends, for being wise and smart and silly and crazy, for being with me through the laughs and the tears. for trusting me enough to let me advise you, and you me. I love each you, even though I've only just met some of you.

i have written about friends before, and what they are....
well, these six people absolutely classify as best friends.


ps, i thought this was rather funny....
the dictionary says that 'imogen' isnt a real word. instead, the possible options are: primogenitor, primogeniture, homogenise, homogenate.

haha go imi, the primogenitor!!!


just a short note to say that all is well; life is good.
the sun is shining, the wind is flying through the gumtrees, Gus keeps escaping from the front garden, and im not feeling at all depressed.
if anything, im back to floaty, to the power of 10.

i love this feeling........


Saturday, 13 September 2008

i c

is it wrong to be split between two paths........ to want one in the longterm..... and the other in the short..... even though the only similarity is you?.........i dont know.

fortuanatley, im too bouncy right now to let that fact worry me too much.

is it completley sad that i havent been out with someone in over a year? (not on a date, anyway)
it is sad that i get along so well with my sisters friends, and not with my own?
** by that i mean that i dont argue or fight with her friends. there is no petty bitchiness, no competition to be better than everyone else.**
is it right that i am so indecisive? i dont know.
im both ways. im so many things, that theyve split into two lives.

i want both.
i can't have both.

im taking it closer to home, to see what happens. i'm taking the more complicated of the two options, just to see if its worth it.

but all i see is the end, see us losing everything.
i see someones arms around my waist, pulling me closer, kissing me. i see a smile, leaning on someone at the beach, by a fire. i see lips forming those three words. i see me sitting on a bench, head in my hands, him walking away. i see an absence of a person. and it sucks.

Friday, 12 September 2008


evenin' all.

i suppose i should write about the fact that im going to japan in less than 8 days.
i guess theres the basic 'oh my god, im going to a foreign country' reaction... but im kinda over it. i just want the day to come, when i walk into the airport at some ungodly hour and meet everyone else. (then again, its better that our flight was cancelled and we were put on a later flight.)

i can't wait to see Saki again though, it'll be soo good!

im a little hesitant about the personality clashes though.
but... omg.... DISNEYLAND!!!
yay! go the ridebuddies: me n nick. haha.

i promise ill put everything that happened into a blog. until such time though, i wont talk about it until its the night b4...

cheers, liv


i dont usually write this sort of post, but this is an honorary one
for Nick,

for getting 93% on his final aviation exam


haha. well done mate.


Thursday, 11 September 2008


in all honesty, i dont know why im writing right now.
there are so many things going on right now that i think im going to go crazy.
maybe i am already....

i feel like im being railroaded with my year 12 subject choices.
its my future..... please, please, can't i do the subjects i want? i want to be a psychologist.... stop thinking that i dont know what i want to do. STOP IGNORING ME!

my personal life is a mess to no one but me
i dont know whats going on. i want to be with two people. thats not fair on any of us. thats impractical, illogical and irational......
then again... so is love. but this isnt love yet..... go figure. sometimes having more than one option sucks.

i found out that i am less liked than i thought originally.
thanks meg. i know it was only an off-hand comment (i think it was....) but it still hurts to know that my friend would say that of me.
and to add to it, i have the school gossip on my tail about me suggesting depression. fantastic.not. and the sad thing is that people believe him. that hurts.

stupid complication. i cant wait until next week, when i have all this crappy school work off my load.... well, some of it anyway.......

im going to japan in 9 days.

im looking foward to it, but im not. that make sense to anyone? haha me either.
i guess its the stresses of getting ready... and having to get along with everyone that id ususally not...... thats mucking my mind about.


until tomorrow........


Wednesday, 10 September 2008


i do wonder sometimes why things are like they are..... if theres an alternate universe somewhere that is of the other choice, the one we didnt make, or decided against.

i wish i could see that life, just for one day.
maybe it would make this decision so much easier.
there is so much wrong with it, but so much right......

desire really does prevail over logic, don't you think?
the sideways smile, that forbidden kiss

what i dont get, however, is why i cant just put my foot down and say 'no. this cant happen' am i weak minded? do i let my heart rule me head? well, either way, that logical side of me has been screaming 'no' all while my heart screams 'yes; and my conscience says quietly enough so that it is loudest of all 'what about the others? that about your promise? does it still count?'

i dont know.

as i stated one time, i am a package deal of smiles, laughter, moodiness, stubborness, kindness and anger, compassion and bluntness, and a whole lot of 'i dont know'.
its situations like this that i live for - just to try and get them to work out.
what i worry about now is 'will i lose a friend if it all goes wrong?'
i dont want to lose their friendship....
its not my fault theyre an awesome person

and as such..... all i can do is sit here twiddling my thumbs until he says yes, or i say no, and it works itself out. if its meant to happen, it will.......

i hope it will...

Monday, 8 September 2008

Once again, the complications of my life....

okay..... two qualms tonight....

one, I've been wanting to get out in the open for a while, and my friends hear about it almost daily now...... i guess I'll stop complaining when it stops happening.....

saying hello.

(i know some people are rolling their eyes at this....)

but seriously - its a standard greeting. i find it extremely annoying to talk to someone, especially online, and they don't even say hello at all.
is it just me that finds that rude?
tom's been adding emphasis on saying hello to everyone when I'm around, just to annoy me.... but its s nice change from the totally ignoring, so its all good.

so anyway.... for those who talk to me.... please say hello .... or some other greeting ...before you continue with a conversation with me.

ok.... enough said.

number two - much more significant...

being asked this question.... or asking it.... always annoys me somewhat after thinking about it. i was so worried about giving an offensive answer that i didn't say what i totally felt.... so, to you who this is directed to... this is my complete answer....

i will not say that i don't know why we dont 'just talk' any more. that is a lie.
i will not lie and say that i don't miss the past several years occasionally. everyone has those little regrets.... but, what happened, happened. there is no going back.

and for the first time in three years... i dont want to go back to how it was.
about two weeks ago, it was like someone's suddenly opened the curtain on my whole life, and it was blindingly bright and warm.
i see now the errors of not just myself, but you, and it has made me stronger, knowing that it wasn't all my fault.
when i look at you sometimes, i remember what you did to me, the threat you made, the unexplained silence. there are some things that i will never forget. so when i remember you, i remember both the highs of love, and the lowest ive felt in my entire life.
i don't know why it took so long to get to know you, or you me, but either way, it took a lot of heartbreak on both sides to realise that we are so different that it will never work as anything more than friends.
we do not speak much these days because there is little to talk about. i believe that our past has tainted our future. when we were together, much of our conversation was about us. now that is gone, there goes 70% of our conversation with it.
we don't talk much now because a part of me broke when you made that threat, and i don't think it can ever be repaired.
but, in all honesty, were too different. we associate at school because of necessity. i think...... had we been at different schools, it would have been better... over the first time and never again.....

i just wonder if you had come up with any answers yourself.....
because they're not hard to think of; only ignorance can blind those to that which is right in front of them.

i wish i knew your answers.


Sunday, 7 September 2008


ever wanted to say something so badly you feel like you're going to explode?
i have
ever said something, then immediatley wished you hadn't?
all the time
ever said something that you know would only cause problems?

so why do i do it?
no idea whatsoever
i think i need a shrink.
Annabell: you got that bit right. go get a full mental assessment

... i shouldnt call them that seeing as im gonna become one of them. come to think of it... why are they called shrinks anyway??

ugh. why is it that i make my life so much more complicated than it needs to be? feelings ALWAYS make things more complicated....
i wont go into spesifics, and i wont answer questions about it, because its too big a deal in my own personal life to talk to almost anyone.
but in any case, i just thought i'd use this post as a time to vent my confusion.

speaking of which........
why does it take so long to realise that you never got along with people in the 1st place?
its ridiculous, the amount of time we spend, gegtting to know someone, only to realise that you're totally imcompatible as everything from lovers to friends to colleagues.

i have a LOT to say on that...... most is regrets and missed opportunities..... plus some people will be able to recognise who and or what im talking about so i'll leave that for another night.

ciao xx

Thursday, 4 September 2008


i shut my eyes and i see hands holding each other, like in a black and white photograph. I don't know whose hands they are.... but i think one of them is mine......

its such a beautiful image......

i wish it was your hand

maybe i'll get a picture of it somewhere...

maybe, just maybe, it will be with you...

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

Olivia, the Corn Capital

Apparently there's a town in Minnesota called Olivia ... and its the Corn capital of the world..... i thought that was rather cool, especially since my jokes are always corny........ get it?
sorry.... i should be shot for saying that.

hahahah... well, I think it is funny......

i have my own chamber of commerce and 2400 odd residents (meaning that there are about 2400, not that they're all strange)

cheers. xx

fat. (emphasis on the full stop)

fat, fat, fat.

that is what we are.

in australia about 60% of adults are overweight, and in america its closer to 70%.

its disgusting.

its horrible and wrong and should be made illegal.
i say this not because i hate larger people - thats an incredibly stupid thing to say.
i say it because if the food wasnt so easily availale, we wouldnt eat it,
its easier to go through the drive in than to make a stir fry at home. (i can tell you from personal experience - the stir fry will taste better, and you wont feel like youve eaten a brick when ur stomach starts to break down the fats)
i am neither large nor thin. i have enough extra on me to make me feel bad about myself, but once it gets warmer ill be out running most days, so i'm all set.

its all well and good to say 'eat this - its good for you'. but how much impact does that actually make? the fast food companies dont sell you their food by saying 'eat this - if you eat enough of it it will kill you'
lol - id like to see someone try and sell it like that ...... like that new hungry jacks thing .. the quad stacker or something.... yuk yuk yuk.

haha you know, they did a mould test on maccas - after 6 months, it looked the same as the day it was bought. it is in the same category as 'plastic cheese' (the single slices that look, feel and taste like rubber) and white chocolate: it isnt normal!!!
**sorry to those out there who love white chocolate.... but lets face it - if it has 0% cocoa, it cant be called chocolate**

in any case......
here are my views on some things.... i dont know how they would work economically and criminally.... but this is them:

  • cigarettes should be banned and destroyed.
  • fast food industry should be shut down
  • produce markets should happen everywhere for every food
  • ronald mcdonald is scary ..... actually.... most clowns are....
  • university should be made free
  • there should be one big long road connecting every continent to australia
  • bmw should release their hydrogen car that theyve kept in the closet since the 1970's
  • days should be 30 hours long
  • people should get their butts into gear about global warming... IT EXISTS
plus more at a later date.........

many people think i talk crap... well, that was some of it.
Princess Olivia, of the Mushroom Isles....signing out.

Tuesday, 2 September 2008

lingual complication

we, as humans, complicate our lives when things get a little boring.
or maybe thats just me, im not sure.
either way, life is full of double meanings, hidden opinions and secret words.

i have no idea whatsoever....
to prove my point, i give you:
exhibit A:

girl likes boy. girl is best friends with boy. boy likes another girl. boy asks other girl out. girl gets upset and wont tell boy why.

... so noone but girl knows whats wrong.

unnecessary complication.

exhibit B:

girl is friends with boy. boy and girl went out. didnt work, but still friends. girl likes someone else. within the same week, boy acts differently towards girl. girl gets confused and worried.

again, unnecessary complication

exhibit C:

girl 1 likes girl 2, but only as a friend. girl2 misunderstands affection and freaks out, says mean things. lost friendship.

..... (dare i say it again?)

all this is is miscommunication.

why, if we are the most evolved species on earth are we so STUPID with our words?
You don't know? me either.

granted, there are things to consider when choosing the right words to say, including
  • feelings
  • context
  • etiquette
that doesn't mean that we say nothing.
okay, sometimes it is hard to say something that we know may turn out badly. sometimes it is hard to look at ourselves and find the true answers as to why we feel like we do.

a few weeks ago I had to have one of these conversations. I didn't want to, but I felt so un-me that I had to say something. he had something to say in return of a similar nature. we dealt with it, and although it was somewhat awkward at first, our friendship was strong enough to endure the jealousy and deserting-friends debate.
but it could have gone so so wrong. but, logically, if it can go so so wrong, cant it also go so so right? (newtons 3rd law: everything must have an equal and opposing reaction)

so throw back the inhibition and for goodness sakes, say what you mean!!!.... make the world a little less complicated.
from the point of view of a spectator and a sufferer, swirling words around you as a defence.... it doesn't work.