Monday, 29 November 2010


So, going through my Psych notes today, I discovered something i hadn't actually read. And I was blown away. It was written by Max Erhmann in 1927.

("Desired Things") 
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there mat be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; for they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But to not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. 
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful. Strive to be happy.

I think it's beautiful. And it now has a permanent place on my wall.

Sunday, 28 November 2010

Stress, holidays, and what to do.

It's been ..... 4 days since I finished for the year, and already I'm beginning to go nuts. Despite having a jam-packed weekend planned, I have a whole 5 days to fill in between then and now. For someone who has to be constantly doing something... this isn't a good idea. By the time Friday night comes around, should I have no work shifts handed to me (which I would LOVE *hint hint*), I'll most likely be found under my bed, rocking sideways dementedly like a catepillar with Parkinson's as there isn't enough room to sit upright and repeat the process.

On the list of potential things to do:
  • Go through my makeup and discover what i actually have at disposal. Then, make a list of things that could actually be handy.
  • Same is to be said of my stationary.
  • Random bits of nonsense are going to be sent to the salvos. 
(i may be looking at my cupboard shelf by shelf as i write this)
  • Go through mountain of clothes - decide which t-shirts are still viable running tops, and what are too hideous to be worn out, even whilst jogging.
  • Buy more shoes.
  • Sort out the photos on my laptop.
    • Get photoshop.
  • knit.
yes, that isn't a typo   let's rephrase, shall we? .... that is not a typo
 I like to knit. Really, i should have done it more before exams - knitting, i find, is one of the best stress relievers, because it keeps my hands busy, and when i need to use my hands for somewhat complex tasks, I can't talk, or think, simultaneously. I'm rather uni-task limited like that. But it does help for the stress.
My lovely boyfriend appeared in my room last week smiling proudly. "I got you a present. See?" he said as he held out this little wobbly metal thing that you move around and it makes different shapes. "It's for when youre about to have an anxiety freakout and stuff." It can hold things, or look like a flower, or be a (rather large) bracelet. Either way, I took it into my exam (which I'm thinking I did rather well on) and sat there playing with it as the lady read out the usual formalities about mobile phones, cheating, and when we can leave our seats.

I'm missing the heat. We've had a couple of days with rain and general ick, and it's put me in a somewhat crappy mood. Admittedly I'm still going to go for a run tomorrow morning if it's raining like that, though the BoM says it's going to be 21 and relatively decent in beautiful Adelaide.
Step it up a notch, to 27, and we have a deal, atmosphere.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Final days of 2010 uni

So, I'm procrastinating. It's my last exam of the year, it's 3pm (I've been studying on and off since 10 this morning), and I'm putting off reading about the endocrine system because my notes are so bad on the topic that it makes my head hurt just trying to decipher them.
Am getting somewhat worried about said exam, because all the practice ones i'm getting an average of 6/10 for. That's not good. I'm on track for an HD, and getting 60 in the exam will ruin everything. Sadface.

On the upside I did happen to get an HD for psych. That made me smile - I put so much effort into that essay in the last week before it's due date............. started and finished and everything =P
I kid, I kid. But seriously, I really do love uni. I love the evenings spent at the library writing up assignments, because the place just oozes academia and motivation, and even procrastinating in there is productive!

Here in my room, however, does not. hence resisting the urge to put on a stargate and do the ironing (which, to be fair, DOES have to be done before tomorrow morning...... along with the vacuuming and general duties that befit 3 siblings with an obligation to have the house clean before the parentals return from Bali at 9am tomorrow)
Here's hoping it was a good trip and i'm not going to get yelled at or.... something.......
I don't know.

I'm kinda hanging out to clean my room, which i can do after i get home from my exam tomorrow -- it means not having stuff EVERYWHERE. ive managed to spill a cup of cold tea onto my woolen carpet.... again. /note to self - stop keeping caffeine in here/
as well as clear out and sort all the papers etc in here. It's a nice braindump exercise to do to really get into holiday mode.

Can't wait for next year's uni though -- ill be properly organised and such, what with knowing how things work and when and where and why etc etc. That's been my biggest downfall - not having what i need where and when i need it, and so the whole thing goes down the toilet.
Mind you, my timetable is so all over the place next year that there's plenty of room for noting and such to keep on top of.

and it's what... 32 outside?
but no pool. this fact alone is rather sobering. that's okay -- the beach works well too.
i miss surfing. a friend and i are going in the next week i think, which should be nice :)

anywho, back to it, i suppose.
later gator

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Walks vs notes

It's been a truly beautiful day, and I've been meaning to go on a walk (truly, exercise is the ultimate procrastination technique - you're doing something good whilst also being bad. it's fabulous)
But the 'No, you MUST finish this' voice in my head is getting stronger as i get older, and as such has kept me inside, where my lov blood pressure has my feet so cold i may as well be in Europe in winter, in the snow, without shoes.
I'm THAT cold.

And so, now i've managed to finish noting genetics and neoplasia (which loosley translates to Cancer), and i only have Pathophysiology to go -- which shouldnt be too bad cause a lot of it is just definitions. but that which isn't, is f*****g complicated. too many slides-covered-in-text for me to record in my trusty Human Body 2 notebook.

128 pages and it's gonna be full once this topic is done. and theres a 24 page thing on the first two topics.... and almost all of it is handwritten. Goodness i feel proud over that. The only other subject that ever got me writing like that was Maths. and that was in year 11.
Uni's a bluge like that, because it isnt crucial that you write it down in your own words etc etc. cause you have the printed notes there in front of you. but at the same time....... i remember this stuff, i'm getting an HD in this stuff, because I write it all down, and thus remember it. =D

I really should go on that walk, but i cant be bothered. wtf's wrong with me.... i love walking. i love the walk i'm gonna go on, and the sun is out, and warm. No running, mind you -- will aggrivate the shin splints i've acquired from work. /sigh/

Now, the crucial question: to take the dog, or not.........

Friday, 12 November 2010

i love finding new things to read, especially new blogs.
through blogs, i can see the inner-working of other people, the way they think, feel, do.
it's always reassuring to find people in the same situations as myself. it gives time to reflect on how i go about things.
new follower today. as i do everyone new, read her blog(s). and have decided this is once such individual worth a regular read of.

there are a few people i used to read regularly that have since dropped off the radar, or officially ended their blogging careers .... (is it embarrassing that i've gone to give you a link to a really good parenting blog i read, thinking they'd packed up like they said they did.... only to see they've been posting once a week since then?!)

... the fire station's alarm is going off. something's up. its 1.30 and raining. i dont think it's a drill.
/waits for it to go off again/
....... silence.

when its really quiet at night, i can hear the train boom gates dinging from 400m away. it makes me smile. not sure why, but that same track is at the back of my house.
trains - freight trains- are a source of comfort to me, having grown up with them. and while my friends would wake up if a particularly monstrous one flew past, i snoozed straight through it. still do.
just like i snooze through the rain.
motorbikes, however, are not so much fun, and on many occasions have contemplated taking aim at the tyres with a BB gun or something.


with the rain comes a sense of blergh.

... theres a perfectly normal english sentence for you.

No, what i mean is this:
the rain, combined with a crappy end to yesterday evening, combined to a plethora of conflicting feelings, AND being home alone until 5 or 6, makes for an immensley unhappy Olivia.
The only things i have to look forward to is noting my Psych lectures (actually looking nicely on this task for once) and an episode of stargate while cleaning out my folders etc.
University: the bane of my bedroom's cleanliness.

I know the rain is good for the plants and such, but it's just GLOOMY out there. *cue pokemon*
And miserable and depressing and a whole spade of tautological words such as those.

I want to call someone but can't due to the simple reason of them not having their phone on them whilst at work, and who will no doubt ignore my message(s) while they're on lunch break.

Thursday, 11 November 2010

New Beginnings

Yes, I am well aware i have said this several times this year, but looking at the scales, and then at the mirror, still causes me some angst.
It's 31 today. Hottest day since the start of the year. And despite the many vocal protests from my boyfriend that this statement isn't true, it is: I'm overweight.
Plan is to go swimming at my local pool at least once a week, walk several times a week, and .... yep, that should about do it.
Only need to lose 4 kg. And i actually enjoy exercise, i've just been so crazy with everything else, it got shoved to the sidelines along with my bedroom, which was beginning to resemble a bombsite until yesterday.
Had a massage, and went to the chiro. I have shin splints. And being told 'drink lots of water' ... i don't need to be told twice. The migrane from last night was enough to kick me into action. So. Less coffee, more water, and get out there and do something.

There's always too many excuses. This is the end of those. In the end, lies a new beginning.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Tangent to tangent

I've jumped from 19 to 23 followers in 3 days. Considering the same jump took 6 months last time, I feel this is rather an achievement considering I've barely posted in comparison to how much i used to write.

I've decided i'm going to redraft some of my older works, as in, from year 10 and 11 at school. My memory of them is that theyre brilliant. I found them the other day, read them, and went..... yeah these need work. They're a 20 standard..... at year 10 level. Not almost-second-year-uni level. So. that is on the list of things to do over the 4 months of holidays looming after the 24th. Yippee :D

Also on the list is making hair scrunchies and going op-shopping with my sister. While the former is a new addition to The List, the shopping is about 7 months overdue. Our life schedules are so mismatched, it's hard to make time to actually hang out, what with school ande me working all weekend when she has time. Urgh.

After hearing the antics of someone my boyfriend knows, it made me believe that people, mainly men, should have their reproductive rights removed if they procreate and piss off without seeing it through. Mainly men, i'm talking about here, but hey, lets not be too exclusive of women... though it does seem to be somewhat more difficult for a woman to leave a pregnant man than it is for a man to leave a pregnant woman. /raises eyebrow/

It disgusts me. And the particular situation, which I won't outline here, though I would like to because it makes him look like the no-good dirty rotten dog fuck that he is. Sorry, had to put a bad word in there somewhere. Wasn't gonna use the C word (that, like him, is dirty and should never be applied to anything in life).
Now, I'm not referring to putting kiddlings up for adoption. In certain circumstances, that is the best opportunity a child can have at that time in their brand-new lives. But I mean nicking off before theyre born.

My boy's mum got that treatment. That makes me everso sad, knowing. Then meeting his old man and he was actually a decent guy when we were there. But I reckon thats cause karma didnt just bite him on the arse, IT CHEWED IT OFF and spat it back in his face.

But then, if you smoke, thats the equivalent of dousing yourself in petrol and daring someone to strike a match on your arm. It's just a dumbarse thing to do.
Which  brings me to a rather entertaining tangent. The Darwin Awards are awarded to people every year for their contribution in bettering the human gene pool...... by removing themselves from it.
One woman, who worked at a childcare centre, got headlice from one of the little tackers. To kill them (the lice, not the kids), she doused her head in gasoline, put it in a towel, and let it marinate for 30 mins thereabouts. Anyone seeing anything wrong with this picture before I conclude this little morality story? Mmmmm yes, petrol. On my head. CAUSE THATS A GREAT IDEA....... Anyway... Before she washed it off, she went out for a smoke, still complaining about the kids giving her lice.
I'll let you sit on that little image for a moment...... gas vapours........ zippo lighter.....
Barbequed Idiot, anyone?

The world is full of idiots, fucking things up.
But without them, we wouldn't have anyone to laugh at, or get angry at, and the world would somehow collapse without their idiocy to hold it up like the gum and rubber bands on the plumbing joins.
I sit here sometimes and wonder how things could be made better.
I was brought up to believe that no matter what i chose to do, i would be great at is. Parental cliche? Maybe. But it meant i grew up with a purpose. All through my life i've been a helper in some way, some how. Now, the rest of my life is dedicated to helping people. In exactly what way, i'm not sure. I might end up in child services. I might end up following my boyfriend to Mt Gambier (which for those how don't know, is 5 hours south of SA's capital, 4.5 houts southeast of my home, and very, very different to the city) and doing work with mental illness and the farmers. I might open my own practice.
Whatever it is, i want to make a significant difference. I want to make the generation that my kids will grow up in, better than the one i am from, the one where people are freaking out about money, and refugees and infrastructure, and gang warfare. Where people are uneducated, and ignorant, and prejuduces pervade our society to a level so deep, most people don't even know it exists!!!!!!
(see my post about Whiteness. That class opened my eyes so wide i'll never shut them again)

I'll write again soon. Tomorrow probably, in a lame attempt at procrastination. But right nowI have a headache, partly from my migrane, partly from all the things I need to write about. My friend started a blog for the same reasons i did, and while mine is 2 years older (nearly 3 =] ) The reasons I write today haven't really changed. Life just got in the way.
No longer, my literary friends, no longer.

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

A fast note to state the obvious: it's cold and raining outside, yet i still manage to come to uni in sandals, linen pants and a singlet. Something's wrong with me. Mind you, if id known, i'd have worn trakkies.

Last week of uni. I have 2 days, and 2 asssignments and 2 exams. that's a lot of 2's. either way. Things are in a weird state of chaotic bliss. Thing's are good. Including discovering a brand of soy milk that's actually DECENT!!! (i dont like soy, but its about time i started drinking it - the milks beginning to make me feel sick.) Pretty good with chai in it :)

Now, getting that bit out of the way, I have an observation to make.....

I think compensating for insecurities can be extremely funny for the onlooker witnessing it. One must find humour in everything, elsewise it would become a matter of wanting to kill someone out of frustration. It just takes a deep breath and a mental 'i am better than that' reaffirmation.
But still, when did it become so important to hide the squishier side of us? The part that's been hurt, or walked on, or is threatened by this.
How does the brain get to the point of reasoning whereby doing the total opposite - ie, being a rather spiney, aggression-orientated individual -- is clearly the best option from that point of view?
I know, and have known, people like this. It makes me pity them for being so adamant this is the okay way to go.
A friend of mine, when he was unsure about meeting a group of people, he'd puff out his chest and be extra social, just ... suck it up til he figured them out.
I'm the opposite - I'm shy, and appear standoffish unless someone else starts a conversation.
I'm a believer of insecurities: I believe they can rule someone's personality if they remain unchecked. They're a powerful force.

But then, some people are proud of being disliked. Like it's some kind of...... achievement.
I figure it's more worthwhile to try get along with someone, at the very least, be nice. Mind you, being a bitch doesn't come easily to me. it takes several things combined for me to release the inner Cat. but hey, something tells me that time is coming sooner than anticipated. Have had enough of being belittled and undermined, even when I'm right, and just plain rudeness. I don't look forward to the consequences.
Wish me luck.