Monday, 31 October 2011

I'm beginning to loathe the existence of the Squirrel Monkey. Not because it's done anything wrong, but because the writers block I am experiencing in relation to my report on it is keeping me from what I feel are more important things, like my sanity.

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Three Little Words: "I Miss You."

I dont know about you, but often when I see these typographs, it makes me want to slap them upside the head for being naive. Still, every so often, I read them and it makes me think.

I've got a friend, a best friend, who, part way through year 12, dropped out and joined the army. He was around my place a lot, to the point where mum would set a place at the table for him, even if she wasnt expecting him to turn up. He usually did. We used to joke, if there was ever someone my mum would pick for me to marry, it would be him. It wasnt until a lot later til I realised that that was probably his way of spending as much time with me/us before he left.
He left for training at Kapuka that July, and hasnt lived in the state since. That was two and a half years ago. Used to be a phone call every two days, and that streched out to about every 6 weeks eventually. He comes home every so often, but I often miss them, because I'm working, busy or just dont want to leave the house (terrible, I know).This time I was determined to make it happen. So off I went today and managed about 20-30 minutes between work ending and him leaving for the airport (again).
Driving home was a lot harder than it should have been. It's not like it's something bad, or scary, or anything else other than the natural order of things. Then I realised: I've been so used to his absence, that seeing him makes me remember: this is my best friend. We dont always have a lot to talk about, and we are poles apart in most ways, but if ever there was someone who I knew had my back, it'd be him. That, and I like to tell prospective boyfriends that he's a trained killer - usually makes them behave.
Still. That feeling I had when he left the first time is back and I cant shake it. He's not a warm-and-fuzzy-feelings kinda guy, so there isnt much point in voicing how much he means and how much I miss him when he's away, but hey, one can only hope the enormous bottle of JD's I have planned for his annual leave speaks a little of this.

Friday, 28 October 2011

Finally, a reason to get genuinely excited.

Guest lecturer today - little bit goofy, humour was a little off-beat, but my god was he educated. I was having trouble keeping up, just because he was talking like an academic (it takes some time to know that superior-lateral means top-and-side-simultaneously, without thinking about it first). It was brilliant.  What he was talking about, is what I hope to be doing. Needless to say, the fact that he teaches one of my 3rd year courses is infinitley pleasing to me.
But hey, thats me.
Call me whatever you like, I like learning - it makes me feel like my world has some point to it. I get that this isn't for everyone, but those who are of the "I think this is bulls**t, and so I'm going to ridicule [insert name, or topic here]"..... Those people, I dont go out of my way to talk to about the newest thing I've learned, or am trying to understand - my enthusiasm is wasted on them.
It's disappointing.

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Sunshine, I missed you.

Tuesday, 25 October 2011


I am aware I'm writing two posts immediatley after each other. HOWEVER, I feel that one  (though semi-complaining) was a little more lighthearted.
Now, I feel I need to have a bit of a genuine whinge/rant/yell-at-the-wind moment.

I like to think that I am a pretty patient/understanding person, and goodness knows I give others entirely too many chances. I understand that mature aged students asking what I feel are ridiculous questions, are simply their tools for learning. I understand that sometimes discussion must be had in class for comprehension of what on earth is going on.

However, when the phrase "I'm going leaving this lecture after the break to go tan" is uttered in a no-way-quietly-whispering voice directly behind me, followed by 45 minutes of constant talking, that patience quickly fizzles. I dislike confrontation, especially being the instigator of it. But I tell you, I was about ready to use anything I could put my hands on as a weapon after saying "Guys, stop talking!".... twice

I have an automatic respect for teachers, it's just the way I am. I know from experience that it is hard to do your job when it seems like people dont want to be bothered. I also know how frustrating it can be when you need to concentrate to understand the basic idea of a topic, and something breaks said concentration.

On a similar note...
One teacher (different class) recieved abusive mail because of her apparent lack of ability at shutting everyone up (to be honest, I suspect it's the same group). She was explaining it all to us, about what and why, and started crying, even though she was trying desperately not to. She's thin as a rake and looks pretty fragile at the best of times, let alone when shes been shaken, so it was heartbreaking to sit there and watch.
It made me furious - she isnt everyone's cup of tea, but to just ... be so spineless about it?! Really doesnt sit well. It still gets me riled up thinking about it.

At the same time, it was inspiring to see student after student raise their hand or stand up and tell her that she was doing a great job, and the students were full of it, and not to let it bother her, the class was better off without them showing up, closely followed by a huge round of applause from the 200 people in the room.
I dont think I'll ever forget that. It's only small, but it gives me hope.

(as does the fact that it's easy to trace emails sent from an Uni account, and the penalty for harassing other students or staff is not something you want to discover by experience)

In Social Psych we've been talking about social sanctioning, and how, when left to their own devices, some groups enforce their own rules (such stopping people pushing in at the bus stop) - I think the same applies with talking in lectures - you get told as a group once 'you want to talk, do it in the hall'. After that, it's up to everyone else to slap them on the back of the head and tell them to shut it.
... If only it were that simple.

Six More Days...

... until it's the 31st, and the end of Fortnight From Hell.
I've been trying to be good, and stay late in the library, missing dinner with the family, to get on top of things. For the most part, it works really well (libraries always seem to make me work just that little bit better). Having said that, I've managed to burn myself out, with 6 days til my last 2 major assignments are due. Ordinarily, 6 days is no issue whatsoever. One, an experiment report that pretty much confirms everything everyone else has already written on the sangers of being on one's phone while driving, is 2/3rds finished.
Meanwhile, the other one isnt actually that hard, it just takes motivation to write critically about the Adelaide Zoo enclosure of these little guys....

Who, by the way, come from here...

I know I'm plugging up the writing style here with photos, but I saw this and had a bit of a giggle... I didnt realise that Capybara were such an effective form of transport...

Hahahaha its like a cross between a wombat and a porcupine........

...Where was I.....
Ah yes. It feels like holidays, despite said assignments. Probably my brain giving itself a pat on the back for completing the other two (which were infinitley more stressful, despite being half the length)... and subsequently turning off for a full day.
Cheers, Brain. Still need you to function though.
Suspect that a bit of reading non-uni-related literature and an early bedtime might be in order, with a 9-9 plan of studying sorted out for tomorrow. Here goes nothing.

Monday, 24 October 2011

I have an overwhelming urge to go find a paintbrush and clean the gaps between the 'GUESS'  letters on my purse, so it looks newer.

Procrastination: The desire to do something, anything, instead of what you actually need to do at that particular moment in time.

Sunday, 23 October 2011

Just quietly: I had forgotten about the stress of having everything due, and feeling so inept at doing it.
I don't appreciate the reminder that is Assessment Fortnight.
Here's hoping I'm on the ball next year and have everything done a week early than intended.

Monday, 10 October 2011


So I haven't been around here for a while..... it's probably about time to kick it into gear. I started writing because I needed some way to ponder things aloud, where I'm just another person in a sea of millions.
Time has come to begin airing my mind again.

In a moment of oddly productive insanity a few weeks ago, I asked a guy I've liked for ages out for a drink. He said yes. I was ecstatic. Two weeks went by and he never called. I'd given up, then I got a message saying he was free to do something...... and has been busy ever since.

It's now a week and a half since then and my psych training is reminding me to look at the situation from a dozen different angles. Alas this means I'm developing multiple personalities, some kinder than others.

Needless to say, I'm frustrated that this is the first time I've ever gone so far out of my comfort zone to talk to a guy, and I'm left wondering if he's just too polite to say 'thanks, but I'm not interested'.
Chocolate and running take the place of obsessing, because we all know it's no good to ruminate on things that are out of your power to change. Mind you, I'm sure that if I cut out the chocolate, I'd be dropping kilos rather than fighting against gaining them. And so I join the plight of billions of other women around the world.

I'm new to this  game, and hopeless at talking to people that make me nervous, so I'm curious as to the where point of "just give up" lies, and whether I've far surpassed it without even realising.
Sad, isn't it.