Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Growing up

So, its official: people I went to primary school with are having kids. I even sat there on the page for several minutes just in case they'd been hacked and it was a prank.
I hear people in their early twenties saying that, and how weird it is. Now I understand. Just wait til my friends start making babies. Talk about bizarre.
What happened to playing in the backyard, mucking around with friends, nights watching movies, or going out?
When did starting a family come into the equation?

Not on my list of things to do in the near future, put it that way.
Thats like.......
/mind implodes/

I think I'd make a great mum-to-be.............. just not right now.
Everyone's like 'yeah, ill have a kid or two'. I sat there and thought about logistics, just for the hell of it. School, food, diapers, furniture, clothes..... they're money munchers. Something tells me that $145 a week after debts taken out wont fulfill that......

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

I wonder what it feels like to be dead?

Friday, 17 September 2010


It’s like a bubbling heat
And it won’t go away.
It rises higher and higher,
Until I can’t bear it anymore,
And I get up and move away,
Trying desperately to shake it off.
But it won’t.
And like those before me,
Try though I might,
Determined to not unleash hell,
I do.
And he stands in the firing range,
An easy target,
A forgiving one,
One that says
‘that’s alright,
I love you anyway,
Even when you’re mad;
Even when you’re mad at me.’
And in a split second of clarity I go
So this is what it’s like
To have someone really love you.
When you're at your ugliest,
they still go
'i think youre so pretty'.
Maybe it’s time I stopped taking advantage
And gave back as good as I get it.
Cause that’s what you deserve.
Even when you drive me crazy
Up the wall, tear-my-hair-out frustration
At the things you say or do,
It’s still there in your eyes.
I see it.
It scares me.
And it makes me stick around for more.
Cause in fits and starts,
Even when I’m mad.
You’re it; you’re you; and you’re mine.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Saturday, 11 September 2010

he's the smile i look for first when i try to be funny,
even if it's just a smile of  'you are such a loser..... but it's cute that you try'

he's the one i can be a nerd with, and talk about computers, games, or sci-fi, and i'm cool.
he's the one i look pretty for when i get dressed up, even though i know he thinks i'm beautiful in just my socks and underwear.
he's the arms that hold me when i wake, crying, from a nightmare.
and he's the one i most look forward to seeing when i wake up,
and my favourite chest to fall asleep on.
he's the one i fight with over how to do the dishes
and whether or not i need a wake up call from mum for work on the weekend.
he's the hand that i hold in front of his mates
and the voice that says 'i love you' on the phone
his is the body warmth i prefer over a blanket,
and even when i'm all alone, and feel like everything is falling apart,
all i have to do is look at my phone,
and his is the face that looks back; his is the message that says 'i'm here for you. i love you, i'm just a call away'
but really, it isn't even that. just a whisper, or a thought, or a smell, or a word, and he's there.
my rock through it all.
he is mine.
and i am his.
and that makes me smile.

Sunday, 5 September 2010

We Exist.

It's sunny, and I'm running. All I can feel is the thump, thump, thump of my heels, until I pick up speed and surge ahead as fast as my legs will carry me over the wet sand by the sea. Inhale, Exhale. Over and over, hearing my breath, and losing it in the hiss of the waves. My lungs burn, and are refreshed in turn. I smile, then grin ear to ear, and begin to laugh, breathless noise at first. I'm winning. The sun's reflecting off the water and sand, and it's as though I'm running on light. It's surreal.
My chest feels like it's going to burst. From running or from this incredible bubble of happiness, I don't know. There's a call from behind me, and suddenly a streak of boy flies past, makes up a 20m lead, then whirls around in one jump, spreading his arms wide, as though he's waiting to catch me.
So I jump.
And there's sand in my hair, and face, and up my arms, as we hit the ground. I'm breathless, but I can't breathe for laughing. We don't get up - there's no need. We just lay there, catching out breath, in the damp sand, as the water threatens to swallow us. I shut my eyes and the sun warms my eyelids. It's hard not to think it's all a dream.
But he's real. And I'm real, and the water at out feet is cold.
We Exist.

I'm Not Afraid

I love this song, though, I'm not sure why, but if I listen, really listen, it makes me cry. 
I have such respect for Eminem. I haven't read his biography, but there's such a change in his music, you can tell he's growing up. You can tell he loves his daughter so much. You hear what he's been through, and how fame has impacted on his life.
People love him, because they can relate.
Because he's a form of raw expression....

...It's been a ride. I guess I had to go to that place, to get to this one. now some of you might still be in that place, and youre trying to get out. Just follow me, I'll get you out....

With clever word choice, he shows genius while at the same time talking about sex, or poverty, or fame, or experience. It's fast, smart, and scathing.

8Mile changed my perceptions, and that's when I really started listening to what he was saying.

I just can't keep living this way, so starting today I'm breaking out of this cage

And yes, I am aware i'm quoting the wrong song. I'm listening to that one right now.

Love the way you lie....... I can identify with. because i'm like that. I feel in the same way they do, the people he talks about. Difference is, I don't hit. Not on purpose. But I understand.

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Spring has sprung, but not very well.

There's a pile of clothes in the basket that's reaching my thigh, a desk that i cannot see for all the papers, homework to be done, and if i'm in the right mood, exercise to be had. So, like any normal person, I'm going to do the sensible thing: ignore it all, and write.

It's september 1 (who'd've thunk?!) and therefore, first day of spring for those of us in the Southern Hemisphere.
Last year, this day came forth like a bull from the gate (?) and it was hot. Not just warm and sunny - it was hot. And sunny. And I was at school.
Clearly, things have changed.
Today looks like the countryside's just flipped the bird to everyone, rolled over, and gone back to sleep. It's not ready for the frolicking nature of spring.
Had a nice taste of it on the weekend though - so much so that I ended up bounding up to B's after work and demanding we go the the park or... something, at least, because big night or not, it was a beautiful day. With unseasonally good weather come's my hyperactivity, so....... I'm best compared to an overexcited puppy you've just informed it's going on a walk. That's me in the sunshine.
I photosynthesise and everything goes into overdrive. Especially talking. =]

Nice weather is a magnet for bad drivers, and cyclists.

I have no issue with cyclists - I understand their need to pedal up stupidly difficult roads, and travel crazy distances, only to turn around and do the same thing back home, or to the car. Well, no, I don't understand it, but I do respect them for it. Driving Greenhill and Old Norton Summit roads is enough, let alone taking a bike up them. That's commitment to a sport, I tell you!

Bad drivers, on the other hand, I have a HUGE issue with. Specifically slow drivers. I blame the old people. Doing 40 in an 80 zone, where there is no overtaking place for ages, and you're not the first one behing said Mr Slow and his wife, so you cant overtake at that point anyway cause you don't have enough accelleration to shoot off before someone comes around the corner and kills you...... *sigh*
Mind you, the weather was so nice I didn't mind as much as if it'd been like it is today: cloudy and miserable. And I'm almost considering turning my bedroom light on just so theres some kind of yellow.... oh wait, I have a white fluro. Dammit. Now when I turn it on it'll look like a supermarket in here.
Aaaaaaand CUE FOOD !!!

...... No. Alas not.

I really cannot wait for summer. Or, rather, warm/hot weather. Everything's more bearable when it's warm and sunny. Even with the mozzies and flies. -_____-

On a final note..... the Independant from Qld sounds like a fruitcake. Maybe that's just the media editing, but good grief!!! I'm concerned.
Not as concerned, however, as I am at the prospect of Sarah Palin running USA. Now THAT is a scary thought.