Friday, 25 May 2012

One down, Twenty six to go

So Mike left on Monday.  Can't say I'm at all keen to repeat the experience ever again. At least at an airport, if you look like you've been crying people assume you've just said goodbye to someone - much less weird than if it's at a restaurant. It's almost a relief, how few people have actually asked about the whole thing. Then again, his friends are cynical and don't seem to like me, and most of mine either don't know, or don't care. For once, I'm actually preferring it this way - it leaves me alone with my thoughts, and saves me from making a fool of myself... for now.

Turned 20 on Wednesday. Wasn't overly thrilled about the whole thing, but I put that down to apathy and missing Mike than anything else. Didn't go through the 'Woah, I'm not a teenager anymore' thing that a few friends seemed to experience at their birthdays. Mind you, the massage and Versace perfume from the siblings, and the new boots that Mum and I have yet to shop for did make for a nice material distraction from feeling like shit. As did dinner. I've spent so much time on the outside of the family, it was weird, being in the middle of it. Then again, they know I need them at the moment, so Mum's been really good about everything.

Heading into the final week of Hell with uni. Have to go try explain to a course Co-Ord why I haven't started the hardest assignment of my life that, coincidentally, is due on Friday week. Hello no social life for 6 days. If I'm lucky, he'll give me an extension of a few days, but I'm not holding my breath.

At the moment, the only thing keeping me going is the little red numbers in my diary, counting down the weeks until the end of next semester's exams. In other words: the number of weeks that I have to wait until I take my first solo flights, visit the UK for the first time, and get to see Mike and his family again. 26 to go. fml.
The aim: keep so crazy busy that I barely remember what day it is, and then BAM, November rocks up.
I admit, I'm slightly worried that I'll end up bailing on uni, and staying over there. I think Mum's a bit worried about the same thing. Then again, I'm pretty selective with what I say to her purely because I know the trouble it will cause, and it's insanity to leap into what is unequivocally uncharted territory for me. Then again, I was never really altogether 'there'. Still, it's a lot to throw to the side, and unless I win the lottery in the next little while, an international transfer is out of the question. Damn you, exchange rate!!

Time to stop procrastinating and actually go to uni.
'Til next time.

Thursday, 3 May 2012

Away from home

Living at at home only half the time puts a strain on the parent-daughter relationship, I can tell you! Primarily because my folks are of the conservative school of thought, and believe that if one spends that much time at someones house, they should be moving in there. Naturally, the idea of moving out of home, and especially into Mike's current house, is laughable. Actually, the idea of moving out with him at all makes me laugh. We'd rip each other's heads off at the moment.
It's a strain on the purse, too, eating out, going out in general, living out of a car. You know, that old thing.
So I set myself a goal of staying at home every night this week until Saturday. Naturally, that lasted three nights, until I gave in to the goofy sensation that is missing sleeping next to someone. And there we were. Despite that lapse, this is the longest number of consecutive nights I've stayed at home in..... I don't know how long. Probably a couple of months at least. Mum being Mum, she isn't exactly thrilled with the way I decide my sleeping arrangements. My point of defence is thus: I for one don't appreciate waking up in the middle of the night, three separate times in some cases, mid-sleepwalk. Why am I sleepwalking? Because I can't find Mike, and there isn't anything bigger than a teddy to cuddle. Oh well.
A somewhat unexpected side effect of being away from the family routine is that it makes it all the better when I am here. Dinner is better, there are actually things to talk about with dad and the sibs. Makes me appreciate it more, you know?
I guess sometimes you dont know how lucky you are to have the things you take for granted, until they stop being such.