Monday, 30 August 2010

Is it weird that it still pisses me off to see a picture of my ex's new girlfriend on facebook?

I mean, it makes no difference to my life whatsoever what, or who, he's doing.
And I'm the happiest and most stable I've ever been in a relationship right now. I've killed the 2-month curse and frankly, he's amazing with how tolerant he is of my increasingly-frequent displays of raw emotion, be it good, bad or somewhere inbetween, and I love him for that....... But there's still that little voice that whispers in my ear, saying 'you weren't good enough for the last one, and she's the better version of you'.
I still tell it to nick off, but it pokes its way through my self worth and niggles at me every now and again.

Thursday, 26 August 2010

Some days I look up at the sky and even if I can't see for all the clouds, I get a sense of wonder: who am I in the grand scheme of things? Am I just another life, to be born, live and die; or am I meant for something more?

Friday, 20 August 2010

if i could go back, i'd do things differently.
i'd remember not to get so involved in the dramas of my friends,
and not to take mean words so much to heart.
i'd relax a bit more,
and listen to mum when she gave advice
because as much as i don't like to admit it -
she was right.
i'd try just that little bit harder in school,
but only because it means less time wasting time in front of the computer.
i'd have been friendlier to people i didnt know,
and made more friends.
but i'd only re-do some things,
because if it was all different,
i would be different,
because they created me,
and i like the person i am.

Wednesday, 18 August 2010


Allow me, please, to have a little gripe about something i've noticed.
It takes a special kind of person to 'love' (in whatever way you wish to take that) someone that is 5 or 6 years their junior. Now, while that sounds a little unfair, put this into perspective:

If a 24 year-old and a 30 year-old were together, sure, that sounds reasonable. you put the ratio a little earlier and things start to sound a bit odd ..... a 20 year old and a 15 year old?
I smell a rat. The rat of illegality.
To me, that's just...... not right. Emotions or not. In that equation, I see a vulnerable, naive, hormone driven teenager, and a grown up with the ability to manipulate, use and ultimately hurt.
do you think he'd think about it like that? That he'd remember the age gap? That he'd think it was odd there was a child after him? Is he immature, and they're actually a good mental match? I don't know.
But what I do wonder is if that attraction - to young teenage girls - remains even in older life. Is this where that infatuation in porn comes with 18 year-olds? Because they're still teenagers, but legal?

What's wrong to sticking to people your own age, at least partly?

Wednesday, 4 August 2010


I have a thing about whiteboards.
They excite me like nothing else, sometimes.

When I was in year 12, the study room had 6 computers one the far wall, a big block of tables put togather to make the Megatron of all tables, and a whiteboard next to the door, one of those 3 or 4m long ones.
It was my baby. I looked after the stuff on there all year, cleaned it, kept it neat.
There was a section with all the subjects people were doing, and all the assignments due for it which was meticulously re-written to keep neat and tidy, a section for drawing and random crap, which towards the end of the year, began to take up more and more space. I remember coming in and the little person someone had drawn had steadily been added on to by someone or other, until it took up 2/3 of the whole board.
If they ever find out i was the one who rubbed it off so i could do Legal Studies revision, I think they'd kill me. Should have taken a photo...

Despite being left handed, turns out my writing is actually neater when i use my right hand on the board...... go figure.


I discovered, to my dismay, that only one of the library study rooms has a real whiteboard in it. SmartBoards are the bomb now, apparently.
So, having booked this solo whiteboard-wielding room, armed with my own set of markers, i went in there to learn about parts of the nerve, brain, and other things from psychology. I ended up bouncing around the room, firing pretend lasers at the board, announcing, rather loudly 'take THAT, knowledge!!'
my friend and her sister just watched me incredulously.

Such is the life of an overexcitable uni student with whiteboard markers.

Cherries? In Winter?

I think YES!