This, on most other days is fine, but..... Something I read in a book recently has stuck with me, and it’s certainly had its intended effect. it said 'what I say is: I’ve always been a tomboy.... what I mean is: I’m afraid of my feminine side'
And this is partly true for me. I never bothered with makeup or dresses or girly things - partly because pants were more practical or it was too hard.
Mainly because I didn't feel worthy of looking pretty. I wasn't pretty or thin enough to deserve to look like a girl.
I’m not fat. I never have been. it's just that I like choosing my own path, (in most cases I’ve had to since there were no sibs before me) and I don't like being told what to do unless I wish it. So, to do this, I’d ignore the discreet pressure from my grandma, who until recently was still trying to buy me makeup and purses and pink things.
I remember once, I got a pink leather-ish little handbag. Baby pink, of course. I hated it. I still do. I thought, as did my sister, that she had them mixed up and she had given Imi mine, the denim blue one, and I hers. Nope. Well, I think that was the last time she tried to make me girly. She just gave up, which was a fair call.
But.... whilst once I was happy in a t-shirt and jeans... now... I want to look pretty. I want to be a girl not anything else. But... I’m all new at this. It takes practice. And it's lonely practice. Which, (swinging it back to the movie) is because I don't have the close bonds of female friends. Not really. I reckon..... That I could....
I don't mean being able to discuss magazines or the weekend parties, or be overall shallow. Just.... friends. Close, best buddy type friends.
I’ve had enough of waiting for uni to turn my life upside down, meet new people, and do new things. It’s such a shame to have all this potential (excuse that display of un-modesty) and to just waste it away on nothing and nobody.