Tuesday, 12 May 2009

over it. over you. i am me, want nothing to do with you.

I’m currently revising for legal studies. Have a test tomorrow.
But it’s made me think... the way I think about my friendship/relationships is very similar to that of a politician and their voters.
The group of eight
once so close.
Indeed, from the outside, most of them ARE.
But it’s the years of inside crap that finally makes me want to cut ties totally.
Nothing in common with these people.
HATE competitiveness about grades. It’s because of these people that I hate it so much.
I have a very particular, very very very strict classification of 'friend'.
I don’t have best friends and sort-of friends.
There is no in-between. I do not have enemies for the same reason. It’s too extreme. There are people I like to be around, people I trust, and people I don’t like.
Seems that over the past few years, that last pile has grown to include the other seven, in one way or another.
In general.
I say this because, somehow, there's one person I don't get those bad vibes from in some way. And it’s not the person you'd expect. He reads this, or will, when he logs on and sees I’ve written on here. My gentle giant. Haha. Well, no, not mine. Just THE gentle giant :P
like other things, I believe that everything is ok as long as it’s in proportion to everything else.
Money is one such thing.
I freely admit that I am a stinge with my money, and that I love it that my mum will offer to pay for things when we go shopping.
And it is with money that I truly believe that things are proportional.
I think that the closer the person, the more money.
This in itself is like giving a monetary value on a friendship, which I think is obscene.
But, nevertheless, I believe that much nicer things are around without having to spend that much on one thing.
I’m not kidding when I say I’m broke. I don’t use my debit card now for fear of it being rejected!
I guess this whole thing of being included but not really irritated the f*** outta me because I’m, essentially, the... trailing end of this... thing. I’m not included, by choice, but when it comes to other things, I am when I don’t want to be.
So, I guess, this is like my decision point, right here.
To stop doing things because I feel like I’m obliged to, when I’m really not.
They say that it’s best for well-being to drop the falsies and surround with the real.
They are right.
its just a shame it’s taken me this long to really realise that it’s necessary to do so, and to throw democracy overboard every now and again.
I’m sick of fake
sick of being democratic and superfluous
I hate gossip
I hate 'how did you go' and 'what did you get' and 'did I beat you'
for GOODNESS sake!
I know there are fun, good people here at school.
It’s just a matter of finding and bonding with them.
30 mins


  1. Go go gentle giant! Such a classic character. Cool, calm, collected.

    I agree with the vast majority of this, but I'd just like to point out that, often, asking about grades is more about gauging your reactions than about the actual grades. On the other hand, "did I beat you" is blatant!

    I can't see how, in either case, it could be deliberate. And on either side, there are still good people. It's up to you whether you accept that as with everyone else, these people are flawed. Then again, it seems a bigger issue for you. It's probably just the culmination of a lot of things, not just this.


  2. well, my dear mouse, i can honestly say i've been dealing with said people considerably longer than i should have, in the way i have. i am well aware everyone is flawed, but as it stands, there is a difference between accepting that the flaws exist, and allowing them to surface and come to light over and over again without making objection apparent. as it stands, in my experience, asking me about grades has almost only ever been about comparison with their own, to see who does better. it is for this reason that i have such a bitter view of the whole practice.
    and i guess, its also that this was the culmination of several issues, combined with lack of sleep and just general biological irritation.