Sunday, 28 March 2010

The Week in Review

First off, apologies for not writing nearly as frequently as I normally do. This lack of writing is for several reasons, the first of which is below.....

Some select artworks from the Musee d'Orsee (spelling?) are travelling around the world to various locations, to show the people of the world some of the most famous art ever. I went to see it. In Canberra - hence the no writing. Wasn't coming to Adelaide, so had to go there. Indeed, I hear that people are coming from all over the country, and even from other countries, to see it there. The lines to get in were epic, and it was totally packed, but it was so worth it!
Being able to see some of the paintings I've read about, researched, written essays on, was surreal. You read about something enough and it begins to sound like fiction- it doesn't exist.
The brush strokes on Van Gogh's Starry Night were so thick you could actually see the lights reflecting off every individual one.


So, had a look at that exhibition, then went around the rest of the gallery, seeing things from Andy Warhol, Sydney Nolan, Max Beckman, Ernst Kirchner, George Grosz, Otto Dix, among others. I just remember those because of the surge of excitement in realising that I could read, inderpret and then explain things about these, and about the art movements.
Ahhhh I love Visual Arts Studies. So much.

Was, yet again, mistaken as being the youngest sibling. God that shits me off. I'm almost 18 for fucks sake, and people think my sister is in 2nd year Uni.
*ripped off*


Handed in my first ever uni assignments this week. I'm hoping theyre okay, mainly because it got to the point on Wednesday night (remembering that I was waking up to go the the airport at 4.45 in the morning) and I was beyond exhaustion, couldn't concentrate and as getting really narky at anyone who asked accusingly if I'd finished my assignment yet?

I hadn't.

So it came to 10.15 and i was buggered. managed to half yell at matt over msn because he was trying to offer solutions to make it easier, which I didn't want. Felt bad for that. But no harm done I dont think, so all good :)

Went ice skating last night, was great fun, I forgot how much I missed it. Need to go more often.

Sunday, 21 March 2010

just an observation

work is, i swear, a meeting point for unusual people. they're not bad, i maintain this rather strongly, but they're...... unusual.

take the man who came in today, for instance. his name is ted or tony, i think.
he's a boxer, magician, artist and security guard. he brought a painting in that was in his boot. i wont lie, it was beautiful, but he was very adamant on showing it off to people that came in.

why is it that older people talk talk talk, but nobody else does?

also.... people get to titchy when i shake my head at them, refusing to let them in or serve them, when my 'closed' sign is up. WHY?! seriously, its not like im going to go out of my way, and make me late, when i'm halfway through packing away the fridge they want to purchase from.


and 'what time do you close'
god, id like to reply with 'its on the door youve just walked through, go look yourself'

ahhh people are brilliant


Monday, 15 March 2010


i sit here with my hot cross buns (the one festival-related thing i look forward to), tea and nail polish, amid books on counselling, psychotherapy, psychology and indigenous culture, and I think.... fuck my room is a mess. Ijust have too much stuff. the reason i still have it is because it's useful stuff..... just not at this point in time. like my knitting needles and wool, an age of empires cd, drawing pad, moisturiser and some skin-exfoliating brush.
and that's just on my desk.go figure.

I rather enjoy being the best at what i do, and being told this is no small triumph in my head, so it would make sense that i have a rather inflated ego right about now.

After hearing about some things that happened.... a little while ago now.... and how, combined with the right (or is it wrong?) people, ridiculously complicated negatives can ensue. Understanding exactly why is a rather enormous part of why I'm doing this degree. It just shits me off.
Do I have an idealised view of friendship?
Where people are accepted as who they are, not what they do? Loyalty is the key, rather than getting ahead, or being self-focussed?
Admittedly right is a dose of hypocracy in that statement, as I am still stewing about an action rather than remembering a personality. So, if I follow my own advice, I'll forgive and forget. Unlikely to happen. Still..... it's the principle, and that principle is wreaking havoc with my dreams. Writing them, then reading them, is so much easier to interpret them, and all one has to do is look at some of the last couple and its still preety obvious something isn't ticking right.

Ah well.

I'm learning hints and tips on how to be a parent, as i get older. one of which: don't have three kids, because we're too much effort to give enough time to each, and one always ends up second best. it was my brother, out of us. I keep separate from my family by choice, but I've always been included and or praised when necessary. it just sucks that some attributes are valued more highly than others.

thats all i have for now, goodness knows i need to get stuck into the ever-increasing pile of reading in front of me


truly, I can't keep up with it. I lose the majority of my weekend to work, and its just like......... fuck.

Sunday, 14 March 2010

If you know where we're going, kindly tell me?

My life flies by so quickly these days:
Monday, uni at 2, Tuesday, Wednesday, uni all day, Thursday, softball training, homework. Friday – wild card day. Saturday, Sunday, work 12 – 5. And repeat.
Again and again.

The sky is steel, and the trees are lighting up like beacons against it, the last rays of sun setting them bright.
I’m going on a walk with Matt once dinner is finally ready, and I can smell it right now, roasting away in the oven. If it wasn’t for work, my tummy would be roaring right now… it’s the recoil from working around food all day – the smell makes me not-hungry for at least an hour after. Mind you, typing this has made this subside somewhat. Yay :)
Anyway….. the walk…. Thinking of taking Rani. This means borrowing a car, because I’m not game to try fitting a Rhodesian Ridgeback into a Mazda 3 sedan. I’ve, no lie, forgotten how to drive an auto. I keep freaking out because the car doesn’t move of its own accord or roll or ANYTHING…. And there’s no third pedal. I mean…. At first, the idea seemed weird… now, I can’t work without it.

Much like so many other things in life, I suppose.

There was a hole heap of cars parked by a laneway on the walk home from work today, all young, in their 20’s at the most, many of them P’s. I thought, ‘someone’s having a party then, hey’ as I walked behind three such lads and their skater shoes and baggy jeans.
**on this note – that is SO not a good look, like, seriously! They look like kids that have been stretched by proportion.**
But, it got me thinking – I need to sort out my OWN party, where, when, who. Ideally, I’d love to have a house party but this is unlikely as, fact is, only the truly loyal make the trip from all over the metro suburbs into the hills, and let’s face it, there’s not that many of them. So…. looking at a place in town, dinner, whatever, then into town (this last part mum knows nothing about …. Yet…)

It’s funny how I know so many people born in august/September…. And, of all months…. MAY. Wtf? What was 9 months previously? I know September creates new years’ babies, and October produces the Valentines kids…. But may…… seriously…. *counts backwards* … wtf is in august that makes people get it on?! The cold, maybe? I dunno…. If anyone has an answer to this, or even a vague guesstimation, I would love to know.


It’s the second week of march. Is anyone else wondering where the HELL the year is going?
Into history, that’s where, so live every day like it will never come again, because….


it won’t.

blank skyshow among a maze of back roads

still dealing with a rather large loss of respect. it took me that long to work out what it is, its not really happened before.

last nights intention: to go pick up jay, drive to mt lofty, watch the skyshow (and see matt ^^) and then take her home, go home.
what actually happened:
asked imi if she wanted to come. she took forever, so we left late even though i managed to cook dinner, which would have been better if it had been hot when eaten. *grumbles*
we got lost. imogen can read a map, i admit this, but ..... she takes so long that by the time she finds the spot i want her to, we've passed it by about 6 kilometres. not helpful. especially since we got lost 4 times on the way to jays, were late by miles and MISSED the show.
add to that the fact that matt was clever enough to tell us he was at a totally different place (10 min down freeway) the wrong place...... but they came to where we were, just to see me..... that made me feel kinda bad, but that was their choice ..... something tells me that sooner or later they'll be my crew as well as matt's, from the way he refers to them. : )
anyway..... despite the fact that i hate getting lost, especially at night, when i'm relying on someone that's disappointing me..... it was a rather good night. i've missed jay heaps, and it seems that her and imi get along ridiculously well. *facepalm* #

after being referred to as a title last night (yes, i am a pro at eavesdropping), ive noticed that i dont do that..... refer to people as what they are, rather than who. i think its because i figure there are hundreds of a particular kind of person out there, but there's only one of them, so they deserve to be spoken of via name. admittedly, i understand the reasoning behind not using them - it makes things simpler, easier, but i never was one for simplicity :)

#please note here that i typed *faceplant* and then read it, and had to change. fml.

Monday, 8 March 2010

i save people, not flowers.

so don't buy them for me.

roses are the exception. i love roses. i lvoe orchids, too... when theyre attached to the rest of the plant :)

work today was insane. it was like one massive nostalgic moment.

easter's coming.

its raining and gloomy outside.

but i want to stand in the rain.

i love being in the rain, knowing that i have somewhere to go get warm later.

next time it rains hard at home i'm going to go lay in the rain.


half my brain is gone

and i'm listening to Erik Mongrain again. I love him. Such amazing skills. : )

Matt came into work again. I had the biggest grin on my face for the half hour after. It drove me nuts.

But, I'm appreciative. I'm not really sure what to do, think. I'm just all ... wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo .... and so forth.

: )

I love knowing that I have a Person.

I have two, actually.... .April and Matt ... and I'm just like..... wow, i didn't think i'd be this truly content with every aspect of my life.

I'm trying to remember what this feels like, so I know that when it gets hard, that i have felt this, and i will again.

"Monday, syndicate me, its everyone the same"


i'm not sure where to begin.

lets start with the thing most on my mind (mind you its a very close call, there):
i have a LOT to do re uni and i'm not entirely sure what it is i need to do. i'm too unorganised. so, this is what i shall be doing once I have posted. 4 folders, many, many pages reading, all for tomorrow. It'll be a case of get up early tomorrow, print everything off at the office, and then read read read. thankfully its lectures, so noone's going to know how slack I've been..... That's for Wednesday.
Note to self: use Thursday and Friday for school work because you sure as hell don't do it in the evenings!

Now, onto more interesting topics, for me, anyway: after voicing a change of heart, Matt asked me out last night, and I am over the moon right now!!! My reasoning: you don't give up someone that makes you happy.
Began a star Trek marathon there, gave up on it, retired to bed and went home. All in all a rather fantastic night. One thing I notice more than anything is the fact that their family is so much more laid back about everything. Shall endeavour to recreate this a little more at home. This means not being in my room so much. *grumbles* Ah well, shall try.

It's raining yet again. This shall be the third day in a row that I drive 500m to work. Wow I feel lazy.


Sunday, 7 March 2010

Not much, and then some?

So, it seems i have a new follower. this made me rather excited, almost in the same way that the smell of bacon does - someone's just cooked brekkie and my mouth and stomach are threatening to mutiny just to get at it.
i'm not a HUGE fan of meat, but bacon is the exception.
followers. yes.
welcome :) :)

in other news.....

went to a friend's with April yesterday. I'm not sure what it was, but even without vodka I was in a ridiculously excitable mood, and EVERYTHING was funny. See - I don't need alcohol to be loud and bubbly. Just something to look forward to. This friend of mine is rather fantastic, I reckon he thinks I'm a bit weir, because I don't seem to have a filter on my mouth when I'm around him (this could prove to be a  problem later on, as he is rather attractive and I let him know this on a regular basis.) but it was all in good fun :)

Australian Pizza House is rather fabulous, specially the bacon pizza. :D

Friday, 5 March 2010

overtired for you.

stab of jealousy, over nothing.


i wish that was me.


because this is why i am awake.

so sleep.

no. might be a chance a little later.
shut up and go to bed.

Wednesday, 3 March 2010


back to the place where each new day begins, but a little cleaner than before.
nothing changes, except for the silence.
a whine from outside ignored, a rustle of movement heard, acknowledged.
it isn't the lack of speech, of noise, that is so alluring,
its the infinitesimal beat of a heart muscle,
heard from inches away....

and that changes everything.

 so back to the place where each new day begins,
to begin a new pursuit, with a second heartbeat.
and thats all it feels like: a heartbeat,
a blink from the face of time, or less.

inhale, exhale.
just breathe, for what is extraordinary about this?
nothing at all, but here, it is unique in our minds,
and that's all that matters, just for the hour:
to become comfortable; and comfort does grow,
like a vine, entangling limbs spreading throughout all which it can reach,
learning, growing, customising to circumstance.

and a smile spreads from the mind and down,
to fingers and toes, lips, nose and eyes.
but for what?
that second heartbeat?
or what it represents?
who knows these days, but returning to regularity in life isn't the same,
it's a different regularity, the colours have shifted
- everything's brighter - faster, blurred.
fast red cars on winding roads, at the beginning, or the end.

back to the place where the day begins,
stretching out on linen, until the framework creaks

inhale, exhale.

a scent remains, the only reminder of the day that has been.
so bury your face in it, and remember:
remember the smiles, the laughs, the whispers and the silence,
the depth of green eyes and the sound of a breath,
flecks of brown, a sense of age
all wrapped up in one single word:


Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Refresher for a new start... among other things.

I haven't blogged in a little while, considering the busy busy goings-on around here.

1.     Soundwave was spectacular, it was too hot and I got sick from lack of food (though didn't figure this out 'til I got home at midnight), but the bands.... oh the bands.... Paramore, Anti Flag, HIM, AFI, A Day To Remember, Escape The Fate, All Time Low, You Me At Six, Taking Back Sunday, Alexisonfire (not my choice), Motion City Soundtrack........ ahhhhh it was good. And I'll never see some of them again. so, a day well spent with Daniel. I was kinda surprised about how easy it was, considering how drained I've been in past times after seeing him for an hour, let alone 12 straight. He's got me onto Ted's. This could be because it was the coldest mouthful of anything I'd had all day, or because it was actually nice, but yes, if I have to have a beer, that is my one of choice from now on :) Not just that, but it was fun, mucking around, chasing each other despite the heat, being in the mosh pit........ being saved from the mosh by a pair of particularly strong arms (thank you god for that one. =P )... note to short people - always make sure you go moshing with someone that is either strong, tall, or both. Preferably both. Ahhh I miss that kid.

2.    Started Uni yesterday, it wasn't that big a fuss, just like being in a group talk at school - everyone had their own chairs, and notes, and watched a slideshow for an hour and a half. Met Alissa and some of her friends there again (though I do think I need to find some of my own, too. This is what tutes are for ^^ )They let us out early, which was nice, which meant I could move to point number three for an extra half hour. The drive there is going to give me the shits eventually, but it's an interesting drive, but the rush our of the carparks onto St Bernards Rd is not fun.... I think from now on I'm going to go on a detour and straight onto Magill Rd ..... would save 10 min of waiting at traffic lights and behind busses. And as for next semester, when I have Human Anatomy 2A in the city......... methinks parking in Magill and taking a bus is the most sensible idea. Anyway......

3.     Been spending an unusual amount of time with Matt. I don't mind it, I'm just careful not to make the same mistakes of the past like, *cough* falling asleep on the couch and then getting a call at midnight demanding to know why I'm not at home when it's a 15 min drive between the two. I've missed cuddles more than anything, I realised. I mean, I'm not a touchy feely person by nature, I'm rather stingy with giving any kind of affection, actually... but..... I don't know, I feel safe with him, and I like having some kinda constant (ish) minor contact.
I'm a terrible expression reader, especially with someone like him that inadvertently keeps neutral a lot of the time. I'm noticing he's, really, a lot like Tom in this regard. Time to start practising barrier-breaking again, methinks.
I'm kinda worried about how my unwillingness to date anyone is going to affect this though ('this' being whatever it is that Matt and I are, cause its definitely more than friends, but not to an enormous extent.. so I'm a little befuddled by it all.) Urgh. I feel bad now, mainly because I'm certain that I'm going to end up hurting him without meaning to, and I know for a fact I'm taking him for granted, and he's too fantastic to ever take for granted, lest he suddenly disappear and I'm left going, "...... Fuck. Not again."
But I'm cheating here, because I know he'll read this at some point. Sneaky person that he is, getting into my head via my writing. =) <3

So, I shall stop there, because this is turning into something WAY too much like a personal diary - which it is, but this is getting too personal, just at the moment. This is what talking to friends is for. :)
<3 <3 <3

Here's a Question for you though (two, actually)
1. Why do people rev their engines at 8.45 in the morning for 5 minutes straight when there's nobody to show off to? (Neighbour #1)

2. Parking, specifically parking on the street: is the curb on 'your' side of the street reserved for your and your guests, or are neighbours allowed to park there when they want without asking? (Neighbour #3)  **NB: I know that 'legally' they can, but I'm talking about general etiquette here.**