Tuesday, 20 July 2010

This is What You Are to Me

Third finger.

Silver, and black in places,
where the cuts are too deep
to let light penetrate entirely.
It's shiny, just like the original posessor
and a little to big to sit where it does,
but the mere glimpse of stainless steel,
cut through with a laser,
so that the engravings may be mistaken for words,
brings a smile, and a small exhale of a laugh,
knowing where it came from,
who it came from.
Whether intended or not,
it marks a bond stronger than those prior to it
could ever make,
and this in turn makes it,
the best thing ever owned.

A note to the smartarse roadrunners

Dear pedestrians,
As much as I applaud you for choosing to walk rather than take public transport or drive, I should like to kindly request that you observe the road rules.
'There are rules for pedestrians?' I hear you ask. Why yes, there are, and they're clearly marked with little red and green men.
Technically speaking, if the little man is red, not flashing, just solid red, I'm pretty sure i don't have to give way to you, seeing as red in western society, when seen on signs, means stop, also interpreted as DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT BUDDY.
On many occasions i have had to brake, sometimes with more force than should be necessary at 10km/h, to avoid from hitting some smartarse that's decided they can make a run for it through a small break in traffic. It isnt that i dont want to hit you, its that its such an inconvenience afterwards if i do, what with the blood and body and police and jail and stuff.
It would seem that common sense is used so infrequently, it's becoming a superpower. So why don't you behave like a superhero and use it against the evils of idiocy.

Annoyed motorist that is forced to embarrassingly stall her car to prevent manslaughter.

Sunday, 18 July 2010

1. Driving

As I have written about it several times *before*, you’d probably realise that driving is both a great love, and a great fear of mine. After a solo crash in April, I’ve not sat in the car the same way. Admittedly, I am slowly beginning to revert to old habits (each of which I get a good scolding for from those that know I can lose my license for texting.) however, I've always been pretty empathetic towards accident sites: driving past a serious collision on cross roads one evening, while on my L’s left me shaking, inside and out, because there was the driver lain out on the concrete median strip, with a bystander screaming, and people rushing about around her. Coming back the other way 20 mins later had flashing lights, paramedics and the police diverting traffic.
The other day, there was a collision on Bridge and Grand Junction roads, in the rain, and in terrible light, and I bet anything someone took the corner when they shouldn’t have, or ran a red light.
Last night, another accident on Bridge Rd, a similar thing, but much more obvious, in the middle of the intersection, with radiator fluid everywhere, air bags popped and people sprinting all over the place and multiplying by the minute. Driving past it in an already agitated state was enough, I shut everything down emotionally, until the ambulance shot by, lights and sirens slashing through the usually busy-but-calm evening traffic.
And I lost it. Really, I should have pulled over, freaked out, and then kept driving once calm, but goodness knows I feel that much safer at my destination than in my car at the moment, plus, stopping randomly in Salisbury isn’t a good idea at the best of times.
I guess I hadn’t really dealt with the fact that I could, or perhaps should, have died when I had mine. And it made $7500 worth of damage, and left nothing too worse for wear, bar a minor 3 day headache. But I could have died. And suddenly that scares me. It never had before, not really.
I guess total exhaustion doesn’t help with the mental attitude, but I'm at the point of being scared, all the time, because the bad things that could happen, could ruin me and my life, while leaving me to adjust from 18 years of normality to something else entirely. A friend was beaten up, totally unprovoked, in town. He could lose the sight in one eye. He’s 18, and supposed to be a snowboard instructor right now, but some fucktard went and bashed him over the head with a chair.
Two incidents of carjacking in areas near where I exist a lot these days have me locking my car as soon as I get inside, and as soon as I get out, regardless of where I am and who remains in the car.
And at the same time, it’s all I can do not to speed, to race Brodie when we drive. I’m a hoon when I’m on my own, though only insofar as the speed limit permits.
And when I get these little anxiety ambushes on my psyche, all I want to do is run, scream and hit something and cry. I can kinda do the verbal ones, but I have to wait til Tuesday before I can hit something.
Ordinarily I frown upon violence, and/or fighting, but I admit, it was great to watch the sparring at the kickboxing dojo the other week. I guess because there’s no malicious intent behind the blows..... And it just gets funny to watch someone have their backside handed to them by someone shorter than I am. So, I am greatly looking forward to learning myself XD
Possibly will write an update on the uncoordidness of Olivia when I return from said lesson :) until then,


Monday, 12 July 2010

When I drive at night, because of the routes I take, I'm more often than not the only car on the road in either direction, and it's so cold when the sun goes down, that fog begins to settle, and the asphalt steams, almost like its too hot to touch.The fog is gathered together, so it's denser in some areas than others, and driving through it looks like hitting a solid wall, but without the crunch of impact, and you may as well drive without headlights because they bounce off the fog so well, making it just about impossible to see past the nose of the car.
It really is a beautiful, albeit eerie, sight.


Talking to a friends parents is always an arduous task, as, it would seem, the novelty of taking a stab at where I live has not yet worn off after 6 years. Fact: I love my house, my land, my town - small as it is- and even though the commute can be annoying, i wouldnt trade it in for the world.
Only thing that stopped them in their tracks was mentioning (albeit a possible lie) that the land value has tripled. So SUCK ON THAT!! asshole.
I really hate it when people make comments about where i live, when that person isnt me. noone has any idea how much we put ourselves out so that living 27km away from the city isnt an inconvenience for anyone else. i mean, hell, i drive on average 500km a WEEK.
and am 600km overdue for a service. Guess where this weeks pay check is going.......   -__-
but i mean, its like.... if it was an inconvenience to go somewhere, i wouldnt. and i dont. thats why i love being on the magill campus for uni - its out of the way for everyone, but its closer than town for me :)
i have a nice house, a nice garden, and a nice nerghbourhood. so poo to you.


tomorrow will be interesting, catching up with some people i havent seen in months, one of them, years. Hes been in the UK and has just come back for a bit. this'll be very interesting indeed, cause he was always a bit of an unusual kid. hmmmmmmmm yay :)

Monday, 5 July 2010


I keep having this waking nightmare, every time I cross a road, or sit in my car, or hear tyres on the tarmac of the street

All I see is eyes widening in terror, and the world goes muffled, almost silent, like I have a cup pressed to my ear, but the wrong way round, and there's this rushing noise but I don't know where it comes from.
And I'm thrown forwards. Or is it backwards?
It looks like a scene from an anime - arms and legs stretched in the direction I'm being thrown from.
Except that my body is broken, torn in places,
The world goes black for a moment, and all I can hear is ragged breathing, slow, and irregular.
All that's visible is the sky, blue and perfect.
But take a mental step back and all there is is someone screaming, and a body sprawled horribly on the asphalt. My body.

Over, and over, and over again, the sense of terror of spinning out of control.

That I'm going to hit something, and fly through my windscreen even though I wear my seatbelt every time I'm in a car, driving or not.

When I sleep, i can't get across the road in time, I'm not fast enough, even when there's hardly any traffic. And I get hit, and I can't scream. I have no voice.

It's almost like I know this is how I'm going to die one day.

One day................

..............But not today.