Monday, 5 July 2010


I keep having this waking nightmare, every time I cross a road, or sit in my car, or hear tyres on the tarmac of the street

All I see is eyes widening in terror, and the world goes muffled, almost silent, like I have a cup pressed to my ear, but the wrong way round, and there's this rushing noise but I don't know where it comes from.
And I'm thrown forwards. Or is it backwards?
It looks like a scene from an anime - arms and legs stretched in the direction I'm being thrown from.
Except that my body is broken, torn in places,
The world goes black for a moment, and all I can hear is ragged breathing, slow, and irregular.
All that's visible is the sky, blue and perfect.
But take a mental step back and all there is is someone screaming, and a body sprawled horribly on the asphalt. My body.

Over, and over, and over again, the sense of terror of spinning out of control.

That I'm going to hit something, and fly through my windscreen even though I wear my seatbelt every time I'm in a car, driving or not.

When I sleep, i can't get across the road in time, I'm not fast enough, even when there's hardly any traffic. And I get hit, and I can't scream. I have no voice.

It's almost like I know this is how I'm going to die one day.

One day................

..............But not today.

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