A fast note to state the obvious: it's cold and raining outside, yet i still manage to come to uni in sandals, linen pants and a singlet. Something's wrong with me. Mind you, if id known, i'd have worn trakkies.
Last week of uni. I have 2 days, and 2 asssignments and 2 exams. that's a lot of 2's. either way. Things are in a weird state of chaotic bliss. Thing's are good. Including discovering a brand of soy milk that's actually DECENT!!! (i dont like soy, but its about time i started drinking it - the milks beginning to make me feel sick.) Pretty good with chai in it :)
Now, getting that bit out of the way, I have an observation to make.....
I think compensating for insecurities can be extremely funny for the onlooker witnessing it. One must find humour in everything, elsewise it would become a matter of wanting to kill someone out of frustration. It just takes a deep breath and a mental 'i am better than that' reaffirmation.
But still, when did it become so important to hide the squishier side of us? The part that's been hurt, or walked on, or is threatened by this.
How does the brain get to the point of reasoning whereby doing the total opposite - ie, being a rather spiney, aggression-orientated individual -- is clearly the best option from that point of view?
I know, and have known, people like this. It makes me pity them for being so adamant this is the okay way to go.
A friend of mine, when he was unsure about meeting a group of people, he'd puff out his chest and be extra social, just ... suck it up til he figured them out.
I'm the opposite - I'm shy, and appear standoffish unless someone else starts a conversation.
I'm a believer of insecurities: I believe they can rule someone's personality if they remain unchecked. They're a powerful force.
But then, some people are proud of being disliked. Like it's some kind of...... achievement.
I figure it's more worthwhile to try get along with someone, at the very least, be nice. Mind you, being a bitch doesn't come easily to me. it takes several things combined for me to release the inner Cat. but hey, something tells me that time is coming sooner than anticipated. Have had enough of being belittled and undermined, even when I'm right, and just plain rudeness. I don't look forward to the consequences.
Wish me luck.