Confusion

i do wonder sometimes why things are like they are..... if theres an alternate universe somewhere that is of the other choice, the one we didnt make, or decided against.

i wish i could see that life, just for one day.

maybe it would make this decision so much easier.
there is so much wrong with it, but so much right......

desire really does prevail over logic, don't you think?

the sideways smile, that forbidden kiss

what i dont get, however, is why i cant just put my foot down and say 'no. this cant happen' am i weak minded? do i let my heart rule me head? well, either way, that logical side of me has been screaming 'no' all while my heart screams 'yes; and my conscience says quietly enough so that it is loudest of all 'what about the others? that about your promise? does it still count?'


i dont know.


as i stated one time, i am a package deal of smiles, laughter, moodiness, stubborness, kindness and anger, compassion and bluntness, and a whole lot of 'i dont know'.
its situations like this that i live for - just to try and get them to work out.
what i worry about now is 'will i lose a friend if it all goes wrong?'

i dont want to lose their friendship....
its not my fault theyre an awesome person

and as such..... all i can do is sit here twiddling my thumbs until he says yes, or i say no, and it works itself out. if its meant to happen, it will.......

i hope it will...