Monday, 8 September 2008

Once again, the complications of my life....

okay..... two qualms tonight....

one, I've been wanting to get out in the open for a while, and my friends hear about it almost daily now...... i guess I'll stop complaining when it stops happening.....

saying hello.

(i know some people are rolling their eyes at this....)

but seriously - its a standard greeting. i find it extremely annoying to talk to someone, especially online, and they don't even say hello at all.
is it just me that finds that rude?
tom's been adding emphasis on saying hello to everyone when I'm around, just to annoy me.... but its s nice change from the totally ignoring, so its all good.

so anyway.... for those who talk to me.... please say hello .... or some other greeting ...before you continue with a conversation with me.

ok.... enough said.

number two - much more significant...

being asked this question.... or asking it.... always annoys me somewhat after thinking about it. i was so worried about giving an offensive answer that i didn't say what i totally felt.... so, to you who this is directed to... this is my complete answer....

i will not say that i don't know why we dont 'just talk' any more. that is a lie.
i will not lie and say that i don't miss the past several years occasionally. everyone has those little regrets.... but, what happened, happened. there is no going back.

and for the first time in three years... i dont want to go back to how it was.
about two weeks ago, it was like someone's suddenly opened the curtain on my whole life, and it was blindingly bright and warm.
i see now the errors of not just myself, but you, and it has made me stronger, knowing that it wasn't all my fault.
when i look at you sometimes, i remember what you did to me, the threat you made, the unexplained silence. there are some things that i will never forget. so when i remember you, i remember both the highs of love, and the lowest ive felt in my entire life.
i don't know why it took so long to get to know you, or you me, but either way, it took a lot of heartbreak on both sides to realise that we are so different that it will never work as anything more than friends.
we do not speak much these days because there is little to talk about. i believe that our past has tainted our future. when we were together, much of our conversation was about us. now that is gone, there goes 70% of our conversation with it.
we don't talk much now because a part of me broke when you made that threat, and i don't think it can ever be repaired.
but, in all honesty, were too different. we associate at school because of necessity. i think...... had we been at different schools, it would have been better... over the first time and never again.....

i just wonder if you had come up with any answers yourself.....
because they're not hard to think of; only ignorance can blind those to that which is right in front of them.

i wish i knew your answers.


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