Sunday, 14 June 2009

The Definition of Me?????


existentialism [égzi sténsh'lizəm, éksi sténsh'l izəm]
philosophical movement centred on individual existence: a philosophical movement begun in the 19th century that denies that the universe has any in-built meaning or purpose.
It requires people to take responsibility for their own actions and shape their own destinies.

[Mid-20th century. <>

1 comment:

  1. "Why'd you do it, Hayden?"
    "I... I don't know..."
    There it was again: The Barrier. Everytime I tried to connect with him, understand him,The Barrier was erected. I had thought it was being lowered, brick by slow brick. Then he goes and does this and I try my best to understand why, to help him, but he won't let me. He pushes me away, builds up that bloody wall. I want to blow it to smithereens.
    I want to be able to share everything with him and know that he will do the same. What can we have, if we can't have that? What's it worth if we can't?
    He took a part of my heart, knowingly and willingly or not, the fact is he did. It's his hostage. If he ain't gonna treat it right, I want it back. I need it back. If he can't sort out what the hell he is about I don't want anything more to do with him.
    He teases me with snippets of openness. With unabashful freedom. Then, he realises he is exposing himself, The Barrier comes up and I'm shut out again.
    The thing is, he started this, he made that first tentative move. I'd been wanting him to and I loved him for it. Then he got scared for I don't know why. He said he liked the tickle of my bristles on his lips. The strength in my arms as I held him. I remember thinking that this was just the beginning. That, finally, I'd found the one who could give me the love I'd been craving. Then he went away for the weekend, and he couldn't look at me the same since. I told myself I was man enough to cope with it. But now i know I'm not. I wanted it so badly, that I was willing to sacrifice almost anything, to make allowances and ignore his failures. That is, until now... Now I just want my heart back.