Wednesday, 14 October 2009

When in doubt, eat capsicum. oh, and DON'T PANIC!

heart's pumping,
no, racing. it gets faster as the seconds tick by.
i can feel the adrenalin in my fingertips, tingling.
from little coloured pixels, and memories, and hopes and dreams.
like my fb message says.... you know it's more than just 'some thing' when you get angsty over all the silence.
and indeed angsty i am.
i'm not a patient person much of the time, but there are some things that i know take time. it's hard to keep these two in balance, and more often than not, the former wins out. because it gets results.

it's all a game of strategy: play your cards too soon and you could end up with the losing hand, but wait a little and you just might win the pot. (excusing the pun, wasn't meaning weed)
it's the perfect teenagerism of 'i want it, and i want it NOW'

it's so hard to wriggle out of once you've got comfortable with this train of thought, i got ued to it, and i know that other people don't work like i do, internally. so, it's a dificult game of trying to make a compromise, without losing that which the whole negotiation is about.

it's 4 and a bit weeks. 13th of november.
but it's so hard to wait, since it's only 30 days.
i've always said i have an addictive personality, and indeed i do: i get addicted to people, and without them i get shakey. some call it clingy, i beg to differ - there is a difference between merely seeing them fleetingly or saying hi, and needing them around all the time. i get the point of space - god knows i need it a pleanty sometimes. but sometimes it's just nice to know that there's someone to hug you, without saying a word, and you know they're there when you wanna talk.
seems to me that i have yet another personality addiction, and this one's the hardest to pinpoint. but..... we'll see. if i play said cards right, i might be able to put a label on saying 'hi, my name's liv, and i belong to someone'.

i totally get the need of some people to have someone else around. i'm one of them myself. it's just not nice to be by yourself when you want to share everything with someone.
so, i get it. i also get the need to be independant. at this stage i'm of the firm belief that i'm incapable of being totally independant - i'd totally spook myself on the first night if i was in a house on my own... plus my cooking skillz arent well... skillz that killz. more like.... skills-that-just-barely-nourish-....-oh-lets-have-a-capsicum-instead.'

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