I promised myself that I would read my archives, all of them, after I found out it was Jim that was 'yes'-ing all my posts. Such a sweet boy. And what he said had some relevance, particularly noting how I've changed over the course of the last 2 years.
This was why I began this in the first place- to document my growth as a teenager, and as a person.
Some people hand-write diaries, others take photos, and then these are shown to our kids, if we have them, to let them in on how our lives were like when we were their age.
Another part of me, the part that is fuelled from recognition (a typical first-born trait, I hear) is to have my thoughts out there for the world to see, if they can find this little URL. And, from this discovery, that my thoughts may be of some help to someone, somewhere.
Another note on change that I noticed about half an hour ago when my mother was kind enough to spring me on my laptop at 8.45 in the morning, by opening my door without knocking. Again. What surprised me was that there was no disapproving stare, no comments about it, like there was a few months ago, the only thing she said was 'good morning' and asked if I wanted her to make me a bacon and egg sandwich, and a cuppa.
I love getting brekkie in bed, moreso today because I'm so sore from softball yesterday. I guess its action, reaction - run hard, throw hard, play hard, and you're gonna have complaining muscles in the morning!
But that's not the point. This change, although slow - very slow, has happened, and is happening even now. It's hard to come to terms with losing a child, only to have it replaced with a young adult who basically doesn't need you to care for them anymore. I'm sure that if I went away, like I shall on Schoolies, I could be totally self-sufficient..... even including the washing machine.
..........When I was in year 9 (i think. it might have been yr8), I was at a friends place, riding his bike down their, very long, unsealed, driveway. he's much taller than me and as such I couldn't touch the ground. The chain came off and i landed, at speed, on the gravel and dirt wearing nothing more than short boardies and a little tankini top. It was horrible, I had scrapes all across my chest and arms and legs. I just thought, 'ouch, that stings' and limped back up to the others with the bike, then into our parents, patiently asking if I could have a few bandaids. I still have the scars on the inside of my right arm from it.... and this may be where the mysterious vertical scar on my stomach came from..... hmmmmm....... anyway, dad said to me on the way home 'you surprised me, Olivia' and I said, 'why is that, dad' and he replied, 'because if you'd done that six months ago, you'd have come in screaming and crying'.
It hadn't even occurred to me to cry.
There you go, another somewhat pointless story from my rather short biography. The point of this was just to back up what I'm realising as I read through April this year - I'm growing up, and amazingly, as old doors close and new ones open, I'm getting the opportunity to try out things for myself that I don't do now, partly because of conventions from the past - more outgoing, or friendly if I can be, and it's not too intimidating, and changing my mindsets- a year ago I thought that two years older than myself was much too old to be dating someone, or would have too different a lifestyle to be friends. That's nonsense, I see that now. I mean, I have Brian, my best bud, who's turning 21 in about a month, and friends that have left school one, two, three, four years ago, or still have that long to go.
Things are different now, and they won't be this way ever again. The sun is shining outside and despite the promising weather forecast for today, my feet are beginning to get cold, a pretty good indication that I should get out of bed and start etching onto the 30 or so glass leaves I brought home with me on Friday to get some more of my art done. As it is, its 10.15 am and I don't have noise pollution laws to contend with anymore (since it only applies until 9.30 I think).
Hope today is as good as it promises - I really don't think I can hack another let down like yesterday.