am i a mushroom or a nervous wreck, or am i just me?

i keep flicking bwtween three or four websites, constantly checking for the same telltale signs of occupation, or a presence other than my own.
alas no luck. nor has there been for about four days. it makes me nervous, for the sheer reason that i don't like being a mushroom - put in the dark.
nor do i like being a distracted kiddie, unable to focus.
but am all of these things, and the weather is beautiful outside, albeit a tad chilly, begging me to go and sit in the sun and listen to some of the 60 or so Hoods tracks i now have on my iPod. sadly the sun hits the paperand brings me back to reality with a blinding glare.
the oaktree by the window is growing little leaves. they look so out of proportion, sitting on the end of all these long, bare branches. but, like always, they will grow and change into that which they are designed to be.
there's a week. one single week. after tomorrow there is less to do, but more to remember, and i don't know if my mind can do it, mainly because it doesnt want to do it. the pain of boredom and lethargy outweighs the rewards right now. or, it feels like they do. in reality, getting a good score on tomorrows test would actually be the highlight of the semester.
but there is an english exposition i am writing, which i suspect i may post on here later, just to watch how people react and how many 'no's i get. i already managed to offend jimmy with it, for which i'm really sorry - i forget how outspoken i can be sometimes, and i forget how what i say might affect those around me. it's not a frequent occurrence, but it happens, and it's a rather rude reminder of how much people like that, with closed minds, irritate me. all the more reason for gentle justification of my beliefs and an acknowledgement of others as theyre usually rather different to my own.

the sun hits the window, and lights up the dust, creating a white layer over the view outside.
...i need to wash the windows.
as soon as my exams are over, i'm doing a major house overhaul, even if it's on my own when siblings are at school and parents are at work.
ideally i'll have good weather, which means major vacuuming, dusting, window washing and weeding. please don't ask why, or question it - ther eis no answer- but i find this kind of house work seriously relaxing, i guess cause the results are obvious. its the simplest form of job satisfaction.


and we must not dwell on the past, and the probable 'what if's and the other mysteries that we cannot change, because it does little good for one's self esteem, as does surfing photos of people i don't know, nor i suspect many of them i will never know.

but that's life, and this is how we live it.