Wednesday, 30 December 2009

I Know I'm Nothing But Skin And Bones.....

I'm not entirely sure why it is that I find within me the ridiculous ability to forgive when I shouldn't, and quite the opposite, also.
I must be intensely frustrating to be around because I do some of the dumbest things without ever realising the impact.

Have come to a couple of conclusions:

1. I'm not just going to be a silent member of what goes around me. I've had enough of watching people fuck themselves over. But hey, it's their life not mine and I don't particularly care what they do -  it's theirs - so long as it isn't detrimental to the people I DO care about. Doesn't mean I have to watch it.

2. The family and I are going to Waitpinga Beach tomorrow so that my brother and dad can fish properly as they're feeling rather deprived of their normally-regular fish sessions. This will be their first all year, and with only a couple of days left, this is, admittedly, somewhat ridiculous. I'm going to be reading, sleeping and writing - this is where the 'new' diaries come in. They've actually got several years behind them . Hell, one of them is actually about six or eight years old! one for actual writing, one for notes. all set : )

3. I'm a little too head over heels for D. Need to rein that in a LOT. Will try. Nuff said.

4. Please forgive the possibly odd way I'm going to write this. I'm actually rather angry, as time goes by long enough to fully digest what happened.

*I HATE being reprimanded and am seeing an ENORMOUS hypocrisy in it at the moment, so I'm not sure what I'll say if I see them again. Really pissed off about it. REALLY pissed*.
My brother is an incredible judge of character. I am less so, I suppose partly because I've been forced to get on with people from all walks of life and as such have ignored my intuition for many years. I'm learning to listen to it now, and there are some people that make me mentally shudder and shy away. Not because they are bad people *who knows, they could be* but as far as it affects me, the sensation is that of 'hopeless. get away. run. wasted.' the end. And conditioning tells me to swallow this. Well, not anymore. I'm listening with both ears and I dont want to be around deadbeats. Easy : )

5. I'm Happy.

Despite all the shit that has, or could have, happened in the last 48 hours, I am happy. And this is all that matters right now, because it means I won't dream of car accidents, or people scaring me. And this is good.

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