I shall talk a little about travelling in a moment, but thinking about what I was going to put first on this long list just reminded me of a grumble I need to have, because it got me so mad.... Faith. Not the God-like faith, the faith in people, in friends, in loved ones. I've been very lucky in that my parents have brought me up to believe in myself, my abilities, and as a result, I know how good I am and anyone that says different can fuck off, basically. But.... I've seen over and over again people that have a total lack of belief in their friends! I'm all for ones desire to be better, do better. Saying that they will fail at this... well how on earth is that for encouragement?! It's like.... inviting them to fuck up because that's all you expect of them. Makes me angry, partly cause I believe wholeheartedly in those trying to make a change and do something, and everyone else that believes differently is useless as a friend. That's not what friends are for, and people that think that there's no support for them, end up bumming out, hopeless. I dont want my People to ever, ever feel like that.
I still miss Daniel terribly, but that's what happens when the most important person in your life more or less disappears. I dislike it, but there is a fine line between being friendly, and being annoying, and that is a line I never want to cross. I love him, and I shall always love him cause fact of the matter is, he's an amazing person, and I have every intention of having him as a friend for life. : ) And getting hugs from him today basically made my entire week. ^ _ ^ It's just.... the look. It's still there, but kinda sad, too. I guess that's what I look like, as well. 'Cept that I still have the look of 'wow' in my eyes when I see him : )
Thailand basically went in this order, because April has my diary and i would just type that out but i cant as of this moment :)....
- Sea canoeing - not too bad, went into a heap of sea caves and such. good fun, and the best meal I ate there the whole time.
- Spa treatment - they covered me in algae! fkn gross, but my body felt better for it. I don't like steam rooms, get really claustrophobic in them.
- Horse riding - One word: fail. the horse could tell I'm not an experienced rider... by which i mean i'd ridden once before that, several years prior. He tried to buck me off in the sea.
- FantaSea - cultural Thai show, basically Thailand with ADHD, it was crazy.
- Trip to Phi Phi Island - via a speed boat and rough waters in which I was airborne several times; went snorkelling, and did a massive belly flop off the nose of the boat in a lagoon. Very pretty scenery and reef fishies : ) Highlight of the trip.
- Elephant Ride - fun fun, kinda like riding a cross between a camel and a horse. They were all rough and hairy, too! weird stuff, but it was so cool : D
Shopping shopping, bus trip, bus trip, night zoo (which was okay, but not great, the bus trip there was so cold that dads glasses condensed when we got out.... as did we.), regular zoo (which was rather fun, I loved the orang utans, and have since decided that my favourite animals are zebras.), and the Singapore high flyer, which is basically the biggest ferris wheel you'll ever see : )
Everything was so clean, it was a lovely change from Thailand, where most outside was filthy.
I was so homesick, missing people, and the customs of good ol' Adelaide, Australia. And my dogs. And my bed - the beds there were TERRIBLE. I woke up sore every morning because of it.
I miss the way things were a month ago, primarily cause I knew I'd have someone to come home to every night, so to speak. I really don't like being on my own, but its a case of 'I know there are plenty of fish in the sea... I want THAT fish!'... but he's been fucking enough people that I don't really want to go near him more than a hug, for my own peace of mind. Ah well. Not like I can be bothered with that at the moment anyway. This has been proven to me first hand, but I shan't go into what, how, or why because I'd rather not. Disappointment of that nature should not be broadcast on the cyber-waves because it does nobody any good.
On a random note, it's just begin to rain. Really fat drops, that make a *plunk* when they hit the leaves. It's rather beautiful.
I am so tired, and sore for some reason. It's not like I've done anything to warrant a sore hip. Not really. ; P
And I'm just exhausted from feeling like this almost all the time, even when im genuinely happy and having fun, I'll stop and just be like.... oh, yeah, that really happened didn't it. I hate him for making me feel like this, and I hate him for letting me fall for him (I hate me for that, too.), I hate that his sleeping around bothers me so much - he's not mine anymore so its not my business, people deal with their issues in different ways, I guess that's just how he deals with his. But most of all, I hate that I can't hate him. Because he's just being who he is, and I miss that person more than anything else in the entire world.
I have a friend who is getting to be, or is already, addicted to marijuana. I'm not sure if it was a cry for help, outlining how much he had in one day or so, and/or the smoking habits he keeps, because he knows how much i hate drugs. I'm not sure if I want to get involved. Really, I guess the right thing, if he wants help, is to give it. But it's so messy, and involves so much careful watching, I don't think I want to do that right now, I'm too busy taking care of myself at the moment. And at the same time, its also a case of whether he realises what he's doing, and that his erratic mindset is withdrawal, and that he shouldn't 'need' a joint to go to sleep every night. It scares me that I have to deal with this, even as a bystander. Because I don't like how hard it's going to be. Eh, I just have a 'saviour' complex. It's not really my business, but I feel like I have to do something. Go figure.
On a more positive note.... I am now officially a student of UniSA. Much excitement! There's one person from my school doing the same course as me, and he was a surprise, but its unlikely were in the same class. I'm kinda terrified of not knowing anyone, or anything. Totally nerve wracking. But, it has to be done, and I'm looking forward to having something interesting to focus on. I'm kinda annoyed that I HAVE to study "Indigenous Australians: Culture and Colonisation", because I would much rather be studying something to do with education or biology. But that's just how it's done. I even have my ID card : )
Told April she should come sit in one of my Anatomy lectures with me next semester, cause I think you can do that...... I hope. Hahahahah. I am so excited to be a student again, although I'm not missing high school whatsoever. I love my school, but I loathed the routine. was just all wrong for me. As it was, it took me an hour and a half to plan my year of subjects, and most are in the late morning thru to afternoon - cause I hate having to get up before 7.30, or even 8. But so long as I'm organised I could get up at 8 for my 9 am classes anyway, so I am content : ) I love that it only takes me 20 min to get to Magill Campus from home. That's a win right there. : )
And so, this is a very long post, making up for the 3 weeks that I have been neglecting my blog because I'm afraid to sit down and actually think about what I've been thinking about. Doesn't make sense but then neither do I, I just got lucky in that there's a few people that believe that I do, and these people I call my friends, and I love them dearly.