Sunday, 14 February 2010


I really can't wait to see Daniel tomorrow, I've missed the kid so much. In a sense the lack of seeing him (purely because he has more of a life than me at the moment) has let the dust settle a bit. I'm still angry at him, my dream processes show that better than anything, but I miss him more than I'm pissed. Mainly because he listens. He's an amazing listener, and always helps me to work my head out, which I need to do, hence seeing him. Sounds a bit like I'm using him. Well, I could for other things, but that's just not a good idea.
I just don't feel like me, and he's always been able to be, well, an anaesthetic. And I know I have to return to reality once I walk out the front door, but for that couple of hours, I can think objectively without thoughts of people flying in and interrupting me.
I feel blank, like someone's whited out the paint on my canvas, and I'm too apathetic to fill it in with the colours of affection and love for anyone. Sure, I've re-blocked in basic colours, blue for living and being active, yellow for social commitments, red for food, green for being able to laugh. But the finer details still remain a mystery.
And I'm annoyed because I've recently met some amazing people, a few of which are definitely date-worthy, and they know I'm somewhat interested (I think) but...... I just can't be bothered at the moment. It's empty where feeling should be. And I'm excited to see them, and talk to them... but I am too apathetic to do something about it.
Give me my life back, dammit!

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