Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Update: disappointment ends a perfect day.

I'm almost a little scared that the past is coming back to haunt me, but more on that later.
First, the boring formailities.

Had Uni orientation day yesterday. Wasn't nearly as bad as I'd been dreading, because I managed to meet up with someone I'd met at my formal.......last May. Ahhh the connections we make :) The weather was fantastic, but after 4 months of not concentrating for more than an hour or so at a time (work doesn't count), sitting in lectures that went non-stop for almost 3 was horrific. So, I skipped out early on the last lecture and went home to clean the pool. Yes, I am *that* cool.
The place is lovely, it's just going to be a challenge to find everything, be it classrooms, or lecture notes on the websites. I'm currently wrestling with the Counselling Foundations site after being told that it has course notes...... which it doesn't. I'll try tomorrow maybe, but I need them by Tues as these are the notes for then. =\

So, came home, cleaned a bit, whinged with mum about how the kiddies over the road are at home... AGAIN (In my eyes if a child - not a teenager, a single-digit-age child - is not sick, they should be at school. Apparently my neighbour feels differently, because these kids are just fine, or they're sick in some invisible fashion that allows them to be noisy and so forth in the front garden.) and then Matt came over.... 

*Random note, Gus is snoring something chronic - I never realised such a big noise could come from such a little animal!*
I'm never really sure how to act around him, so I guess honesty is the key here, because I have to be my own person, I can't just disappear into the background. But, I was tired, so I wasn't exactly going to be a bouncing ball of energy like I usually am when I'm around people I feel comfortable with. But yes, it was a very, very good day. I really like this kid, but a small dark evil side of my conscious keeps whispering 'are you sure'. My response: fuck off and let me be happy.

Now.... that first sentence..... It seems that no matter where I go, what I do, things come back to bite me in the arse. Constantly. I've since decided I'd like to keep school people and not-school people separate wherever possible, because it's the former I'd rather forget and the latter i need to get to know, and having shit spread about me from one to the other is not a good start. I guess that's what happens when you get put with a group of people you don't reeeeeally click with for 7 and a bit years, and grow up with them, and then have to move off into the world. I don't like it. More, I don't like the pleasure taken in picking bits off me, ala "ooh, did she actually do that?! omg, tell everyone!"
I figure, I'm me now, and I'm me from here on in, I don't want anything to do with people sensationalising my own private life, and I guess its a little reminder to keep my mouth shut and not talk to friends about things.
I hate that, because I'm a talker by nature, it comes with the desire for my efforts to be recognised. But that's another issue.

I'm just so disappointed that after it all, nobody's changed, not really, not at all, and Mum was right - don't trust them because they've done it before. Well, here's me saying that what I am is what I am, and what I do is for me only. Stuff everyone else. Stuff your gossiping. I don't need you.

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