i get text messages going 'what's wrong' without ever saying anything.
i was woken the other day to a message telling me that my friend had bought me a ticked to see a comedian as part of the fringe show... without asking me.
and i was standing at my window, watching the gum trees change from bleak, sun-bleached green and beige, into purple and sage - for the second time in a week - and i realised that, even with all that we;ve been through together, tom is one of the only people that i know i will stay in conact with for life, not because i have to, but because i want to.
i'm feeling full of love at the moment. and none of it for daniel.
... well, i lie, i do love that kid, but he needs to be put in a side-drawer for now because dwelling on the lack of him does nothing good for me....
this love is for my friends.
it is not often that i feel a particular sense of pride and loyalty to my friends purely because i find it to be tempting fate to call them 'best friends' or even 'close' because in the past those with such labels have turned around and stabbed me in the back. so, i have trust issues, and am wary of people, which doesn't help my already shy demeanour around strangers. but i'm going off on a tangent.
there's nick, who i have seen ONCE in his 6 weeks of being at home on leave. he's moving to sydney and i'm going to miss him terribly, but i suppose being away so often kinda prepared me for that. we;re drifting apart, and it makes me sad, but i still know he's the one i want to go out on the town with, and cook massive pizzas with at home.
tom and i have spent a lot of our time together, or within 200m of eachother ever since we were 13, simply because of seeing eachother every day at school. we've had that much of a roller coaster, and watched the other as we've grown as people, and after this week, i know for sure that he is one that, even if i want to kill him sometimes, he is one of those keepers that you live through all the good the bad and the ugly with, and still come out the other end stronger, holding eachothers hand because thats what friends do for eachother.
that idealism has left me with many a bitter twisted thought about 'friends' of mine, but him..... he's a keeper.
and there is justin, who knows me so well and has been so supportive aobut everything ever, it is impossible not to love him. not only that, but he can organise things (see above) and know that i'm in. he's one that i can tell anything and everything and he sorts through it with me, and gives me such good advice i swear he's going to write a self-help book or something some day.
and finally theres april..... a my goodness if ever there was a time for me to meet someone that clicks with me, it was now. the fruit of years of depending on the belief that i would meet people i clicked with once i finished school. well, that time is here and she is my Person. as Christina from Greys Anatomy said, 'if i murdered someone, she would be the person i call to help me drag the body across the living room floor'
which i would.
call her, not murder someone. mind you, there are two people i can think of off the top of my head that i would like to see gone, but we have already discussed this arrangement and figured that it would be too blindingly obvious that it was her doing the dirty work for me, what with the brand 'for Liv' left on their bodies :)
ahhhhh some people would think we're serious about it, the venom that comes with the details.......... we're not.
i've come to realise that i have some pretty awsome friends, and i love them dearly, and even with all the miserable melancholic feelings i have, i know that theyll always be there for me, purely because its a fact, and i would go to the ends of the world for these people.