Wednesday, 6 January 2010


It begins with a click. Sometimes with a musical tone, sometimes with merely the sound of a shutter closing. Data is stored, and converted into pixels, and is often transported onto a computer, where it ends up as millions of little dots, all coming together to make a picture. A representation of what the eye saw, and wanted to remember elsewhere than the brain, or to show others even after the moment has passed.
But then one must ask - who wants to see this moment that you deemed important enough to photograph?

I didn't

I'm trying to forget

And this is true, but surely there are others that wish to see this memory?

That's gonna bite in the morning.

It makes me question motives.

Two loves in the same bed? Double the fun?

Why post something like that? Because it's a cute photo? Perhaps. Indeed, this is more likely. However, I would greatly appreciate if it didn't involve two halves of two entirely different wholes. One of which I am the other 50%.

Really, I knew as soon as I saw the album title that I was going to find something I didn't like. But..... the extent of which it did. Well, that surprised me. Then again perhaps it shouldn't be all that surprising considering the grief that that episode has caused me through no fault of my own whatsoever. I know there is major regret. But to still see the physical proof of something I would rather forget pisses me off and makes it hurt like crazy. The Easy answer: don't look.

But look I do, because it is there whether I like it or not. May as well torture myself while there's noone here to wrap me up in cuddles and get angry with me about its existence. Because fact is .... all I want is a cuddle from the boy in that digital memory record, the one that belongs to me, even if I can't look at him when we talk heart-to-heart, or try to build a shield to block it out.
Indiscretions or not, I'm in love with him....

....and I can't make that go away.

Not even if I wanted to try.

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