Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Roses are red....

the only reason im writing right at this moment is because of the music im listening to - cinematic orchestra's 'to build a home'. its so beautiful..... it makes me calm and able to think with clarity.
for this reason, i post.

i feel empty at the moment.
not because of any real reason, other than exhaustion and possibly pms. crap. where's my vitB? i'll solve this...
haha no. really.
i floated though today with my eyes only half open, taking in the world around me in bits and pieces, focussing when it was crucially important (ala advising some of my friends on how to deal with a guy who apparently has some major perosnal space issues with them... poor girls. i never notice it - i have a diff bubble size than them).
i spent most of lunchtime alone. i can't shake the feeling that something's wrong.
thought about pete first when i realised this. hope he's ok.
as a general rule it takes me a while for things to really sink in., the larger the thing, the longer it takes. it took three years for one particular thing (see prev. posts)
i think maybe the enormity of what ive done is beginning to settle.ibut as it is written with black ink along the inside of my wrist, a stark contrast to the one remaining area pf pale skin on my arms, hiding partially under my blue waterproof watch:
Don't stop,
Keep moving,
Don't look back,
Life moves foward.
This in itself has been all thats keeping me going since maths in second lesson. Well, that and recalling James' words of a gift for me.
This said gift brightened my day an amazing amount, the simplicity, complexity and emotion held in it at once awes me. and leaves me genuinley speechless, and grinning tiredly but happily to myself even now as i hold it gently in one hand. if it was crushed now, i'm sure i'd cry.

my rose
i can't be bothered with correcting my capitalisation right now - too tired to care......
though i will say this... art is, without a doubt, one of the best subjects i do. its so relaxed, even though its one of the toughest subs to do at a year 12 level.

thats all for now. maybe ill post later.
much love,

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