I'm not sure really what to write here....
Other than I had a good dose of reality today, and as I told Nick (or possibly Dan/Tony - no idea why they call him Tony....), all is right with the world. Now, this statement I know is wrong for the most part, just flip on the news and you'll see what I'm talking about. But in my heart I have a strange feeling of contentment which, given the most recent events, I cannot believe I feel. yet i do. And I soar so high as two fingers secretively stretch out for my own hand behind our crossed arms, a barrier of flesh from the world's eyes to see.
I am here, and while it may break hearts to read this, I need to say it: i am here, not there. in the present, not the past nor the future. though it is easier to say this on here, since this is a place for my thoughts, i am not taking back what i said. there is a face that haunts my dreams, telling me i have done wrong, but truthfully, i believe it is for the best. i can only think selfishly with that statement, i know, but that's what i think.
sometimes i hits me that i lost, and pushed away two of my closest pals within the same week... it's enough to cause a mental breakdown sometimes... but my life is here, with my friends and family, and everything in between. with uni and parties and rites of passage still to come; with legal age barriers to be reached and overcome, with year 12 to conquer and most importantly, keeping my mind on track: no more impossible dreams, no more messing around with peoples minds. straight and narrow path for me please. let me have the courage to defy my emotions and listen to my (perfectly reasonable) logic every now and again, to not jeopardise the relationships i have formed over these years with rash words. as of now, this is me - what i want to be, not an attention-commanding, irresponsible, immature teenager. (in the bad sense of this, not the normal sense)
now that I've got that out of my system..... i can write about other things.... but that shall wait for another time seeing as this has been sitting, unfinished on my screen for about a grand total of.... 3 hours and 5 minutes. :) see, i can concentrate good :)