Sunday, 15 March 2009

oh, hello, are you me? welcome back.

it isn't the monumental shift in time that some other things have done, and they're only small things, some of them painfully shallow, but its getting better.

the most trivial, and yet, by association, the most important thing here at the moment... the clothes i chose to wear when i got up today.

it isn't a blindingly obvious thing to most people, and it is totally hidden to those that don't know me... but, it seems that there have been two occasions in my life that i've specifically chosen to chop off my tresses: once 4 years ago, and once this time last year. both times it was to begin anew, as though my hair represented the parts of my life i had to change.

so i did.

and now, as it grows back, longer and longer (its past my collarbone now as opposed to being 7mm long at the nape of my neck 12 months ago) i begin to look in the mirror and smile. once, a while ago i'm sure i mentioned that i'd look in a mirror and not recognise me in the image i saw. well, now, i do.

and as... strange... as it is to say it, i missed me. because now i feel like the girl who can wear green cargo pants and a tank top and not feel like i should be trying harder to look good. stuff the sophisticated look i was dreaming about. yay for comfortable things that still show off an ass. haha i joke. i'm not that desperate for attention.

speaking of which...

self esteem... well, it still sucks for the most part, but i'm finally beginning to see the actual result of this horrible thing that is adolescence. it would be a whole lot better if we spent a week in the growing pains of 10 years... and then just woke up as an adult body.

yeah, that'd work -.-

oh well, its done with. mostly.

now for the rest of my life to begin haha.

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