Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Ick. Take the day away again and start with a new page in my art book.

Rarely do I get truly upset about tests. Traditionally I do okay, every now and again I do amazing, and every now and again I flunk out. It is the latter I am less accustomed to, so it feels like a kick in the guts when someone tells me that I'm not good enough, especially in essays, my traditional forte.
But today, with a mixture of stress and tiredness, I left the room and started hyperventilating - a sure sign of what was to come, especially after knowing for absolute certain that I had just failed yet another test. I got to my locker, nobody around, of course, and burst into tears. Knowing that every test from now on is crucial to whether or not I get into Flinders is somewhat stressful, particularly in legal studies, where I'm going downhill faster than an Olympic bob sled team. Essays are murdering me in a rather grissly manner, and today was no different.

That feeling of knowing that you let yourself down, let your teacher down, and will subsequently get a phone call home and have parents yell at you is enough to send anyone into shitsville. Add to it a feeling that you are a perpetual disappointment to your teacher and you have me, sitting here, alone, with my hoodie on feeling marginally better.

An email from said teacher made the waterworks open again after being told that what I handed in was (in my words) terrible and not worth marking (which I knew) and that they're willing to help me by making a predicted grade out of the final two tests I have for this year, and use that as the grade for this test, considering the room was noisy and the girls that my teacher sent to get said test took some time (not on purpose) so probably only got 30 mins out of 50. For this I am amazingly greatful for.

I got in the car and got yelled at from mum about it. I don't even know why I bother to tell her things anymore. All it turns into is a reprimanding session about life. I thought rather ruefully about the extreme difference that friends make. Its amazing. I got like 8 hugs (was rather sensitive to talking - set me off .... .blame the tiredness) and was told to not think too much about it and it'll be alright. Which it kinda is now. As opposed to mum.
Would rather deal with the supportive friends.

It was 27 degrees outside on this lovely september day and too warm for jumpers, but wore it anyway, just 'cause I can. It almost, almost, made up for the morning.

On a lighter note, had mentor brekkie today. It's where the year 12's (are meant to) come in to school for a breakfast and are seated at tables with people that are in the profession you want to do. By come accidental miracle, our careers counsellor got a honours student at Flinders to come in and talk to me. She's interested in all the same things (career-wise) as I am, and was unbelievably helpful. Seriously, was the best thing of today, other than mucking around with Dan in the art room.
oh, and by the way Daniel, there is STILL chalk on my face! grr

30 min

1 comment:

  1. I figured you'd calmed down a bit at recess once I was out... I didn't want to set it off again... but I did wonder why you was upset...

    All I shall say is 'tis great to have jumpers and to have friends to help us through =]

    Good luck with the year 12 bizzo Liv! Have a nice life!!