Now, in the most recent previous post I mentioned that there were other things to talk about.
This is one of them. I was silent for most of the week, be it from listening to others, of just choosing not to shatter the sound of the bush with my own voice.
Rarely do I get a true sense of calm when I’m thinking, or I’m frustrated, and am even LESS likely to achieve this when both are in effect. But, sitting inside Hollow Mountain, in an eroded spot, looking over the immense space before me, there was a moment of silence from the three others with me. And in this moment, I found it: calm, and wonder.
Yay for mini-enlightenments.
It would have been rather sad had I not managed to find this at some point on the trip, since I was in such a beautiful place. Well, not beautiful as in gorgeous, but beautiful as in real.
The irony is that for a lot of it, had I walked 30 mins down the road from my place I would have a very similar view.
There is something that I have very little patience for, and that is immaturity. I understand that, in saying this, several people will open their mouths and quickly point out that I am not the best person to be saying this since, like everyone, I have my moments, but the fact is I’m getting over these moments. Some things, like ladybirds and pom poms will always be excitement inducing because of the memories attached to them, but a loud, shrill voice declaring the same thing repeatedly, is not my style, nor my cup of tea.
I was well aware of what I was getting into in signing up, and was, I’ll freely admit, very apprehensive of what was to come. But I cannot fully express the self control it took not to make like a typical Porteous sibling that I am and tell the gods-honest truth about what was being said to me...
in my household I have grown up with a younger brother and sister that are both within 3 years of me (brother and I are 23 months apart). As a result, there is an excruciating amount of sibling rivalry. So, to keep up with one another, we would usually poke fun at one another to see how far one another’s limits were. If someone was singing, the other two would turn around and yell 'shut UP! You can't sing, you sound horrible' to which the singer in question would announce 'no I’m not' and sing louder.
Nowadays we join in singing, which usually has the unintended effect of stopping their song :D
Now that I think about it, having two younger siblings is probably the reason that I can talk to younger people better than I can older: traditionally I was the older one.
Having said this, I did have to give in to frustration a little, and state, venom-free (that’s the beauty of drinking things, you don’t have to look at them or make your voice any more interesting than a monotone whilst responding), that I had already heard the same thing several times. Repetition is another thing that irritates me, as is the unnecessary emphasis of 'dude, I’m not kidding' when there was no indication that I doubted it. Indeed, it seems like I should make like a primary school teacher and use my singsong voice.
No, I won't - those things alarm me. Treat kids with honesty, not honey-sweet bullshit.
We seem to find friends in the most unusual of places, or, rather, people we are compatible with, in my case. I’m not truly sure why I am so tentative with using the word 'friend' to describe someone. All I know is that if I call someone my friend, then it means they’re a close friend. I don't have some-time friends. I have people I coexist with. And there are a lot more of them than there are friends.
However, this was pointed out to me last night courtesy of a conversation about something I know all too much about. Not because I started it, or was in any way involved, but because it has happened to me on several occasions. And it is for this reason that I prefer having male friends than female friends - there’s less hidden bullshit, and more honesty. I know I have the capability to be a snake, but for the most part I keep my dislike of certain personalities hidden from everyone but those close friends and my family, who, as Imi has pointed out, now know that I complain about people complaining.
Yes, the full circle has run its course. Irony much?
I do try not to, promise :)
so it’s with this thought in mind, and a rather immense 'thank you' said to me last night that I wonder if this was really what I was meant for: for experiencing these things, and then having the capability to pass my knowledge and advice onto others. I am not asked for advice much anymore. Possibly, because the fact is that I am not the smartest cookie in class anymore. But that’s okay, its only school work for that. It’s the friend-stuff that bothers me. But indeed, there seems to be a correlation between fewer friends and less requests for advice on a particular thing. C’est la vie. It’s okay.
Because, like I said to him last night, you can look around and see all these people that are not as wholesome as you are, you just have to see that there are good people out there too, and that some of those, are your friends. So you need to cling to that fact, and those friends, because it's those that are rare to find.
I thank my lucky stars (Orion’s belt) every day that something friend-related happens, that I have those select few that I know I could trust with anything. There’s the original 4, plus two new inclusions, one for relationship reasons, another... is an enigma to me, Mr Daniel that you are.
Something about him just makes me want to trust him. and though I sometimes find his obsession with manual weapons alarming or distasteful (if used in conjunction with the notion of cutting one of us up, or final fantasy ...... what can I say, I’m a nerd, or a dork depending on who you ask, but I’m not a truly violent one. that's saved for play-fighting^^) there’s a child-like honesty about life, which I love to be around.
So, to all those that read this far down the post:
Well done on your endurance, and I want you to take this thought with you:
Friends, true friends, the ones that you are totally compatible with in terms of personality, are hard to find, and everyone has someone, or will have them, in their life at some point. So, it is with this knowledge that I ask you to tell this friend, or friends of you are lucky enough to have more than one of these souls with you, what they mean to you. Because sometimes it is these random acts of kindness to people that can make someone’s day so unbelievably better.