Monday, 15 December 2008


I'm at a cross roads, and I have no idea which way to turn.
It would be so easy to turn back the way I came, because I know the territory.
One leads over the blue oceans and one to the Orient, while a third, the widest, lays directly before me, an expanse of straight, empty road.

One sentence changed everything.
I wish it had never been uttered by the lips I remember so well.

Scenarios fly around my head, trying to play themselves to finality, but until they actually stop trying to play all at once, they won't.
I have to stop and think about one thing at a time these days.
Too many complicated possibilities.

It's not fair to put so many possibilities in front of such an indecisive person, nor one who cares about what happens to others because of what I do or say, or so I've been told. Granted, it isn't always true: sometimes I'll say it because I'm too tired to use the filter on my mouth.

One leads to learned patience, a long loneliness, and a possible realisation that I've been tricked by illusions, or a very long-lasting smile.

Another is entertaining the unknown, across language and time.
Duration of entertainment: unknown, though the forecast involves a fresh face and a suitable personality match for the ride.

The third is a trip into history.
Knowing that the things once happened, could well reappear when I relax and let my hair down.
This is the most difficult road, the most dangerous.
When I try to look further down the road, it's misty, and once side faintly shows a green pasture, and vines in glower.
The other is a wasteland. The two extremes: pleasant, and broken.

If I jump the gun, and begin too fast, one road will close so fast I'll be fallen flat on my pants in the earth. Yet, take my time, and it could still close. It was a dare the first, chickening out the second, Missing the third, the fourth a mistake and desire as a fifth.

It's been called poison.
That word always makes me think of dark green vines with deep purple thorns, dripping with something acid green.
It's a beautiful word, but terrible.

Regardless of that, I'm still standing here where the winds of change are blowing a gale and a dust storm seems to be coming, confusing me further. I'll just have to wait for the air to settle down until I can see again, if only a little better than I can now.
30 minutes

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