Sunday, 21 December 2008

untitled (a brief overview of my thoughts right now)

So there's really only one thing on my mind at the moment, and for anonymity purposes, I'm not going to mention it.
Bit hard to write about it, then, don't you think?
But I'll work around that, always do.

To you know who you are: I'm feeling kinda rejected, a tiny tiny bit pissed off and a lot more screwed over. But most of that I slept off last night, so I'm pretty well okay now. I'm still expecting to hang out on a regular basis.

I think I'm going to give up on technology for a while - or at least until i get some new stuff that I'll be able to sit outside and use - I'm sick of sitting in this same old room that I hate, at a desk that's too tall for me in a chair that's too short (though very comfy - its an armchair).
all I can say is yay for a new laptop for Christmas.
I've worked out what it is: it's the paint scheme in here - the walls are brick or a gross version of olive green. According to some people, I'd fit in here - because I'm an olive tree. O.o

Go figure.

It's 4 days until Christmas. People call me and my sister Ebenezer Scrooge because we're not huge fans of the event. I think, for me, its because of a combination of be being scarred by seafood (watching 7 other people tear apart a prawn limb by limb is undoubtedly gross) and my extended family, other than my grandparents, who take an interest by default and because they love us, have nothing whatsoever to do with us. The last time I saw my whole family together, I was.... 10 months old. And maybe, just maybe, a fair few of them were at my parents 40th birthday. But I don't remember much about that night - it was half my lifespan ago.
The phrase 'long time, no see' doesn't do justice for this.
When I get older, leave home, and have kids, I'm determined not to be like that. Even though I loathe my sibling (s) sometimes, as we get older I realise that we will probably be great friends once we stop living together and have to put up with one-another 24/7. I want my kids to be able to know who their family, their whole family, is (are?) . I feel like I missed out on a heap of things - I hear my friends talk about their family and all the great stuff they do and I think 'I have loads of cousins and second cousins around my age and a little bit older, why can't I know them like these guys know theirs?'. Mum's always like "live your life, we send you to a great school because of all the amazing opportunities they provide, both educationally and otherwise. Take full advantage of that, and give as much back as you can.' Well, I take my opportunities where I can. We have 24 people in my family that I know of, and that's just from what I've gathered over names mentioned more than once. But I only see 7 of them at least once a year (four of which I live with) so... This one aspect of my life.... I feel like I've missed out on. And I hate it.
1 hour

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