i c

is it wrong to be split between two paths........ to want one in the longterm..... and the other in the short..... even though the only similarity is you?.........i dont know.

fortuanatley, im too bouncy right now to let that fact worry me too much.

is it completley sad that i havent been out with someone in over a year? (not on a date, anyway)
it is sad that i get along so well with my sisters friends, and not with my own?
** by that i mean that i dont argue or fight with her friends. there is no petty bitchiness, no competition to be better than everyone else.**
is it right that i am so indecisive? i dont know.
im both ways. im so many things, that theyve split into two lives.

i want both.
i can't have both.

im taking it closer to home, to see what happens. i'm taking the more complicated of the two options, just to see if its worth it.

but all i see is the end, see us losing everything.
i see someones arms around my waist, pulling me closer, kissing me. i see a smile, leaning on someone at the beach, by a fire. i see lips forming those three words. i see me sitting on a bench, head in my hands, him walking away. i see an absence of a person. and it sucks.