Right now, it's like I've disappeared. not my body - it's still here, but i look inside and feel so, so heavy. it's an effort to think straight. I know that I'll feel better after a few nights on a better sleeping pattern, but until such time, I'm exhausted simply by living.
I can't concentrate on the creative things or translating or the social complexities that surround me.
but today... today I confirmed my suspicions that when all else is muddles and confused, it is the rigid structure of formulae that save me.
co-ordinate geometry, to be exact.
I hate the subject more than anything else in the entire mathematical region. even calculus is better than it (although that statement is hypocritical, for calculus is just co-ordinate geometry with curvy lines)
but today... today I understood it. today I flew through the set questions. despite my cold legs and toes, the hour and forty minutes went really fast.
it was fantastic.
the same thing happened in chemistry. a set formula with only a little of ones own thinking required. another subject i usually don't understand.
I guess it only proves that even though it seems that everything else is hopeless, and all you want to do is curl up in the sun and never move again, you find something good about the day.
now that I'm feeling marginally better I am much slower at completing the calculations, but I am still getting there.
mathematical miracles happen, I suppose.