Saturday, 8 November 2008

The Complications Of Knowing People

asking for help with emotional issues, for me, is like asking for gossip.
so how do i deal with the latest?
its like my personal life doesnt have an off switch, theres always something new and frustrating to complicate life as soon as it starts to settle down.

so, here is the situation to ponder.....
girl loves boy, boy loves girl. girl has friend. friend knows girl loves boy, but friend admits feelings for girl anyway.

how on earth do i deal with that?!

another problem is thus:
I love talking, socialising, being with people that dont know much about me. That way, I get to be the person I want to be, not the person I am. And in doing so, if I am what I want to be long enough, who I want to be, and who I am... become the same person.
Does that even make sense?
It's like how when you tell someone they're stupid for long enough, they begin to believe it too.

I worry because people see only one side of a multi-faceted gem here. they know Olivia, but not Annabell, jasmine, or worst of all, Alex. Alex is a new addition to my personality tree. while Olivia is happiness, Annabell is rebellion, and Jasmine is depression, Alex represents anger.

Alex is dangerous. she leaves the biggest impression. and it's always negative. i have a nursery of new friendships that are just beginning to bud in the garden that is my social life, with some tender care and just a little bit of sunshine. going by that analogy, putting anger into that equation is like putting herbicide on them. it would kill it.

god. what am I going on about? I don't even remember....

In any case.... I'm afraid of people knowing me. I want to be around people. For them to know me, but if they don't know me completely, then people misunderstand the occasional outburst. Then there go my friends. maybe they're not. But they're the closest I have.

I want to be able to open my phone and see a list of numbers that I know I can call any time, any where and talk to them about anything.
without the judging.
without the gossip.
without the competition.

Yeah... like that'll happen.

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