Thursday, 22 December 2011

Sobriety shakes the illusion that everyone is awesome. Almost everyone.

One of these days I'll get to writing about a boy. Not just any boy, mind you, one unlike any other, the one that makes me feel... well, courtesy of a cool tumblr I've recently stumbled upon .....  like this...

"You can't help it. Sometimes you just look at someone and realise that they are one of the best things that ever happened in your life"

So it may as well be today.

He's a friend I've known for a year and a half, but was never particulaly close to, probably because all our encounters involved clubbing and alcohol (expecially on my part). I find that I meet a lot of people while drunk, but never make best buddies with them. Sobriety shakes the illusion that everyone is awesome.

Hes always been someone to look forward to seeing, but when a mutual friend left for college in the US of A, we didnt really see eachother as much. Mostly on my account - I'd just been broken up with and was, well, rather depressed. The prospect of having coffee with a dozen different guys all wanting the same thing wasn't overly appealing as a newcomer to the Singles Club with wounds still raw and bleeding, as I'm sure you can imagine. I didn't realise that with him, coffee is coffee, not a date or an 'in' to getting with me (so to speak). Made for a nice change.

Fast forward 5 or so months.
Much to my horror (for multiple reasons), he went interstate with my ex and his homewrecker girlfriend on a job finding mission. They're still up there. He came home. Cannot tell you how happy I was when I found out - I can't stand my ex, or her, and the thought of why they wanted to take him away from me ... rubbed me the wrong way, to say the least.

Although, why it bothered me so much, I didn't know.

Thanks to said ex, I am cynical at best about relationships at my age: whats the point of being with someone if youre just going to break up and go through the cycle all over again?! You lose friends, a partner, and a part of yourself. Well, I do.
I can be, and am, scared of becoming attached to people. I am scared of trusting them: the last person I fell in love with tore me up so bad I very nearly jumped off a cliff. Literally.
So, naturally, I'm hesitant to put myself in a position where that might be a possibility, no matter how remote. Yet here I am.
I figure - if I'm going to be scared, there isn't a better person in the world to help me face, and beat, my fear; to show me I was wrong, and in this case, boy will I be glad to be wrong.
I'm coming to realise that in spite of my past history with guys, they can't all be put in the one box. One day I'll have to thank him properly for his patience, kindness, honesty and easygoing nature. I now understand what it's like to be in awe of someone, and the thought of losing him half way across the world to his home is unfathomable.

In case you've been hit over the head with the Thick Stick several times, or dropped as a child, I'll state the obvious: I'm now his girlfriend.

Nowdays, coffee is coffee, and me making a fool of myself, and laughing too much, and when he laughs too, it makes everything all the funnier, because his smile tugs at my heartstrings and I wonder why the hell I was so scared to be here in the first place.

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