I guess this could really, be the start of me changing properly - having a physical change to get the ball rolling, so to speak. as it is i am looking forward to this trip, but dreading it too - it's the last one i'll go on as a student at my school.
oh well, cest la vie.
here, i propose a toast:
to change.
to adventure.
to becoming someone we always wanted to be.
i'll fill you in when i get home.
until such time,
adieu
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Sunday, 12 April 2009
Festive season
easter.
marred by hurtful words, of the most unexpected source.
but then again, it should be expected, given past history.
as it is, i'm living with a headache.
and the weather is warm outside and i should be out with someone enjoying it.
but im grounded.
i dont even know what the grounding rules ARE - how long, for what.
i think its just a ploy to stop me from seeing Him - i'm allowed to go into town and have Nick over, but i'm not allowed to see Him, even if i could find someone to take me there other than parents.
ugh
i need a car
and a proper license.
then i'm outta here.
marred by hurtful words, of the most unexpected source.
but then again, it should be expected, given past history.
as it is, i'm living with a headache.
and the weather is warm outside and i should be out with someone enjoying it.
but im grounded.
i dont even know what the grounding rules ARE - how long, for what.
i think its just a ploy to stop me from seeing Him - i'm allowed to go into town and have Nick over, but i'm not allowed to see Him, even if i could find someone to take me there other than parents.
ugh
i need a car
and a proper license.
then i'm outta here.
Friday, 10 April 2009
Religion and money.... what?
Well, I’m grounded.
.... On a much lighter note, it's school holidays.
oh, wait, that makes grounding even worse... yippee, a whole week worth of studying aboriginal art in the Grampians, followed by a whole week of homework, no people included in that last one. Oh joyous times. -_-
well, there you go... almost finished duke of Ed... well, kinda.... just gotta do more community service. Lots more.
Anyways... to a more ...traditional... Livvy-post...
Religion.
The last day of school and, once again, something stupid done by a person with superiority issues has caused a hubbub of potentially ridiculous proportions.
I will name no names, though I happen to know the student in question reads this. I also happen to suspect that one or more teachers have flicked over this. Doesn’t matter.
This incident over a refusal to go and take communion or a blessing brings me to a rather abrupt stop, and a thought of 'what? Hang on, that’s not right!'
I am asked, as are others that have some relationship with this student 'if you’re not of that religion, then why go to the school?'
My answer: because it is, or was, a great school. There have been staff changes that are questionable in their benefit to the students and school alike, but let’s face it: the world runs on money.
I give you exhibit A: coaching staff. Ex students are cheaper to hire than trained coaches. So that’s what happens, and we have seen firsthand the detriment it causes, giving a team of untrained kids to a person that clearly shouldn't be coaching. It takes a certain personality, someone with a vague inkling of leadership, to take charge, and coach a team. I don't think the admin person realises this.
there are so many flaws amongst the inner workings of this system and I admit that I do not have the whole story, but if we can come up with enough money to build a gym that is only going to be expanded later on, and the temporary wall was the most expensive thing in the gym, then, surely, we can find the money to properly train kids?
I know that's a little off topic from religion, but allow me to bring this back to the main point....
there is a law. This law is called the Anti-Discrimination Act. It includes race, religion, sexual preference, etc. it’s designed to make Australian society that little bit farer. And for the most part, it works; lets people know what they can and cannot do.
But it would seem that this doesn't come into play here. Even though it should.
I believe that it should not matter whether we follow a religion or not, so long as it is respectful disagreement. Meaning, can understand why people may follow such-and-such a religion, but don't believe that it is right for oneself. He was not bad-mouthing Christianity, and indeed, to get a blessing or such thing would be disrespectful if it was not believed.
So, you make your own judgement. Who was at fault? The student, for not following what should be done by convention, or the teacher, for trying to enforce this by intimidation?
.... On a much lighter note, it's school holidays.
oh, wait, that makes grounding even worse... yippee, a whole week worth of studying aboriginal art in the Grampians, followed by a whole week of homework, no people included in that last one. Oh joyous times. -_-
well, there you go... almost finished duke of Ed... well, kinda.... just gotta do more community service. Lots more.
Anyways... to a more ...traditional... Livvy-post...
Religion.
The last day of school and, once again, something stupid done by a person with superiority issues has caused a hubbub of potentially ridiculous proportions.
I will name no names, though I happen to know the student in question reads this. I also happen to suspect that one or more teachers have flicked over this. Doesn’t matter.
This incident over a refusal to go and take communion or a blessing brings me to a rather abrupt stop, and a thought of 'what? Hang on, that’s not right!'
I am asked, as are others that have some relationship with this student 'if you’re not of that religion, then why go to the school?'
My answer: because it is, or was, a great school. There have been staff changes that are questionable in their benefit to the students and school alike, but let’s face it: the world runs on money.
I give you exhibit A: coaching staff. Ex students are cheaper to hire than trained coaches. So that’s what happens, and we have seen firsthand the detriment it causes, giving a team of untrained kids to a person that clearly shouldn't be coaching. It takes a certain personality, someone with a vague inkling of leadership, to take charge, and coach a team. I don't think the admin person realises this.
there are so many flaws amongst the inner workings of this system and I admit that I do not have the whole story, but if we can come up with enough money to build a gym that is only going to be expanded later on, and the temporary wall was the most expensive thing in the gym, then, surely, we can find the money to properly train kids?
I know that's a little off topic from religion, but allow me to bring this back to the main point....
there is a law. This law is called the Anti-Discrimination Act. It includes race, religion, sexual preference, etc. it’s designed to make Australian society that little bit farer. And for the most part, it works; lets people know what they can and cannot do.
But it would seem that this doesn't come into play here. Even though it should.
I believe that it should not matter whether we follow a religion or not, so long as it is respectful disagreement. Meaning, can understand why people may follow such-and-such a religion, but don't believe that it is right for oneself. He was not bad-mouthing Christianity, and indeed, to get a blessing or such thing would be disrespectful if it was not believed.
So, you make your own judgement. Who was at fault? The student, for not following what should be done by convention, or the teacher, for trying to enforce this by intimidation?
60 minutes
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
Seasons change, for the worse.
It's gone from summer to cold so fast it leaves me stumbling over my
words.
welcome to winter. almost. even though its meant to be 21 today, I'm
still clad in long-everything and a jumper. its ridiculous and I'm
seriously considering moving upstate to get warmer. yes, give me The
Alice, nice an warm........
though the weather does give rise to a fond memory, repeated every so
often in winter in my household: the footy's on the telly, the fire is
burning away happily in the heater, its cold and/or raining outside
and everyone is at home. i love this memory, because it involves
relaxation and fire = warmth :D
ah, the good ol' days.
now just gotta survive the cold outside at school and I'm all set....
words.
welcome to winter. almost. even though its meant to be 21 today, I'm
still clad in long-everything and a jumper. its ridiculous and I'm
seriously considering moving upstate to get warmer. yes, give me The
Alice, nice an warm........
though the weather does give rise to a fond memory, repeated every so
often in winter in my household: the footy's on the telly, the fire is
burning away happily in the heater, its cold and/or raining outside
and everyone is at home. i love this memory, because it involves
relaxation and fire = warmth :D
ah, the good ol' days.
now just gotta survive the cold outside at school and I'm all set....
of which, does anyone else find it odd that, even when its freezing
cold outside, we as students have nowhere to seek refuge? the library
is only 1/2 the size it used to be, so it doesn't count since it can
only hold about 30 kids before getting desperately full :(
i vote common room, where our toes arent going to drop off.
who's with me??
Saturday, 4 April 2009
We All Have Our Moments....
well, it's been a little while since my last post, and I've kinda been out of inspiration for a little while because my driving force isn't going to be spoken about on here.
6 weeks tomorrow since I was turned upside down in a wonderful way.
Yay ^^
is it sad that I remember the weeks?
I don't really care. I’m too in my own little world of happiness to be truly worried about what other people think. I mean, it’s our own opinion that really counts, isn't it?
On such a note, I will, however, tell you all a little story. It’s not very long in time, nor is it riveting stuff, but it is the catalyst for why I am like I am today in a lot of ways....
I was never a skinny kid. When I was a baby, my parents jokingly called me the Michelin Man - that white mascot for Michelin Tyres that looks like several marshmallows squashed together. And fair enough: I was a fat baby.
Throughout my childhood, I was average weight, nothing special. I have a round face so a short fringe didn't help my plight. And this was okay.
I remember watching a cartoon once on TV on a Saturday. The view panned across the beach, showing buff men and curvy women. Too curvy. I know now that there was no way that a real person could be that way proportioned. I didn't then. I went to my room, pulled up my t-shirt and looked at my own waist. I was straight up and down (and at age 7, pretty well everyone is) I remember trying to push my waist inwards, to see if I had curves. I didn’t. I still don't. I’m one of those poor kids that don't fit the traditional bill of curves. I don't mean like curvy, I mean, as in, not straight up and down. If it's the small penis thing that makes guys feel inadequate, the lack of curves does that to me.
Eh, that’s life.
That wasn’t what I wanted to talk about, though it does give a little background for this...
when I was in year three, I was at a primary school in the hills. We had a HUGE pine forest as a playground and a large asphalted area too, amongst other things. Not bad for a school of 200 kids from R-7. On the far side of the asphalt, there were sandstone steps leading to the forest. I was coming down them, and noticed three boys from the year above me, in my class (mixed classes) I got about three-quarters across, when He wanted to get my attention:
"Hey! Fatty!"
As soon as His mouth closed, I burst into tears. The insensitivities of kids is incredible. He realised He'd hurt me as soon as the first tear fell, quickly saying, "Oh, I was only joking, don't cry". In his defence, he did sound kinda remorseful. I just told him to go away and ran to the toilets.
I never really got over that. I know this because in writing this, my eyes are getting watery.
In countless parenting Do's and Don’ts it says never criticise yourself in front of your child because they are like little sponges: they soak up everything you do and say. My mother, even now, will complain about how fat she is. She’s really not. And if she stopped buying crappy food for us to eat we'd all be better off. But that’s not the point. my point is this: how the hell am I meant to feel good about myself if my mum, the number one female role model in my life, won't shut up with the negative self talk? It makes me, the only one of my siblings shaped like her in some way, think 'what the hell kinda chance to I have then?!?!'
and while I’m strangely emotional at the moment and I don't know why, having Him read my affirmation, my thoughts on paper, tacked on my wall by my light switch, was one of the most embarrassing things I’ve had to deal with this year. I haven't read it since I put it there (goes to show just how well the initiative is in my mind), then look at me so sadly and say 'is this what you are doing?’ to which I replied 'no' and sat down on my bed. I didn't remember what I’d written, let alone followed it. But that look on his face wouldn’t go away. He leant into me as close as he could, and said to me quietly 'I think you’re beautiful', staring me right into my eyes. if I had known that the last part said 'I’m sick and tired of feeling and looking fat', it would have brought on, right in front of him (so mortifying!), the tears that leaked forth after I did read it again, once everyone had left.
I hate the word 'fat'
it's such an ugly term, for such an ugly state of existence.
And all for the simple reason that I don't know what else I can eat that isn't going to cause me to get sick - too much wheat or dairy doesn't sit well with me.
And that’s all we have in this damned house.
It’s probably why I like Asian food so much - I can eat it and not feel the excruciating pain that my current diet causes.
But yes, I have my moments of ‘I hate myself’. And that is why.
6 weeks tomorrow since I was turned upside down in a wonderful way.
Yay ^^
is it sad that I remember the weeks?
I don't really care. I’m too in my own little world of happiness to be truly worried about what other people think. I mean, it’s our own opinion that really counts, isn't it?
On such a note, I will, however, tell you all a little story. It’s not very long in time, nor is it riveting stuff, but it is the catalyst for why I am like I am today in a lot of ways....
I was never a skinny kid. When I was a baby, my parents jokingly called me the Michelin Man - that white mascot for Michelin Tyres that looks like several marshmallows squashed together. And fair enough: I was a fat baby.
Throughout my childhood, I was average weight, nothing special. I have a round face so a short fringe didn't help my plight. And this was okay.
I remember watching a cartoon once on TV on a Saturday. The view panned across the beach, showing buff men and curvy women. Too curvy. I know now that there was no way that a real person could be that way proportioned. I didn't then. I went to my room, pulled up my t-shirt and looked at my own waist. I was straight up and down (and at age 7, pretty well everyone is) I remember trying to push my waist inwards, to see if I had curves. I didn’t. I still don't. I’m one of those poor kids that don't fit the traditional bill of curves. I don't mean like curvy, I mean, as in, not straight up and down. If it's the small penis thing that makes guys feel inadequate, the lack of curves does that to me.
Eh, that’s life.
That wasn’t what I wanted to talk about, though it does give a little background for this...
when I was in year three, I was at a primary school in the hills. We had a HUGE pine forest as a playground and a large asphalted area too, amongst other things. Not bad for a school of 200 kids from R-7. On the far side of the asphalt, there were sandstone steps leading to the forest. I was coming down them, and noticed three boys from the year above me, in my class (mixed classes) I got about three-quarters across, when He wanted to get my attention:
"Hey! Fatty!"
As soon as His mouth closed, I burst into tears. The insensitivities of kids is incredible. He realised He'd hurt me as soon as the first tear fell, quickly saying, "Oh, I was only joking, don't cry". In his defence, he did sound kinda remorseful. I just told him to go away and ran to the toilets.
I never really got over that. I know this because in writing this, my eyes are getting watery.
In countless parenting Do's and Don’ts it says never criticise yourself in front of your child because they are like little sponges: they soak up everything you do and say. My mother, even now, will complain about how fat she is. She’s really not. And if she stopped buying crappy food for us to eat we'd all be better off. But that’s not the point. my point is this: how the hell am I meant to feel good about myself if my mum, the number one female role model in my life, won't shut up with the negative self talk? It makes me, the only one of my siblings shaped like her in some way, think 'what the hell kinda chance to I have then?!?!'
and while I’m strangely emotional at the moment and I don't know why, having Him read my affirmation, my thoughts on paper, tacked on my wall by my light switch, was one of the most embarrassing things I’ve had to deal with this year. I haven't read it since I put it there (goes to show just how well the initiative is in my mind), then look at me so sadly and say 'is this what you are doing?’ to which I replied 'no' and sat down on my bed. I didn't remember what I’d written, let alone followed it. But that look on his face wouldn’t go away. He leant into me as close as he could, and said to me quietly 'I think you’re beautiful', staring me right into my eyes. if I had known that the last part said 'I’m sick and tired of feeling and looking fat', it would have brought on, right in front of him (so mortifying!), the tears that leaked forth after I did read it again, once everyone had left.
I hate the word 'fat'
it's such an ugly term, for such an ugly state of existence.
And all for the simple reason that I don't know what else I can eat that isn't going to cause me to get sick - too much wheat or dairy doesn't sit well with me.
And that’s all we have in this damned house.
It’s probably why I like Asian food so much - I can eat it and not feel the excruciating pain that my current diet causes.
But yes, I have my moments of ‘I hate myself’. And that is why.
40 minutes
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