This is my 491st  post, according to the Blogger Dashboard, so I shall endeavour to write something interesting at least every day until christmas. that way, I'll reach 500 by then. :) (yes, i am aware that that makes me one day short of 500, but miracles happen)

First off, my deepest apologies for such little writing spewing forth from this imaginative young head -- living away from my laptop for a fortnight more or less leaves me with very little ability to write, and using my boyfriends gaming desktop just isn't as inspiring.
My entire room is filled with things i could talk about, and I don't just mean the number of  mugs (empty or otherwise) sitting on my desk way over there in the other corner.
/leans around wardrobe and glares/

Is it sad that i'm as excited as i am over finding a soft case for my laptop? its probably not as difficult as i think it to be, but its taken me months to find such a case for the darling thing.
I need to name it. She's been through so much with me, I feel it is the least i can do.....
well, no, i lie - getting her a new battery is the least i can do, and come christmas, this will be so, and she can run on 4 hours of batteries, rather than 3 minutes.
=\
and then.... she shall be called......... poppy, or gardenia, or something flowery like that.

yes, i think that would be nice :)

I’ve been watching Stargate for the past few months. Admittedly, it took me about a season and a half to really get into it, but now, I absolutely love it. I’ve always been a sucker for good sci-fi. Just finished season 5, and my favourite character died, for no reason at all. I’m like WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!!!
SO not happy. He’s like my ultimate ideal of a person. And he’s dead. Well, technically, he’s ascended to a higher plane of existence, but it still means the same thing. I am NOT liking this new casting bizzo (even though its nearly 10 years old at this point).

/sigh/

In other news, I’m finally home for the first time since Monday night..... again..... I seem to be making a habit of this. It’s going to need to stop, I’m starting to lose the plot again. You know, the mood swings, irritability, general anxiety and depression that result from me being away from my space too long.
Unfortunately, a by-product of spending so much time with B is that I fear I’m becoming a little addicted. Now, evenings spent doing the same thing as I do at his house (ie, eat dinner, talk to people a bit and end up watching an episode of Stargate), but done here.... leave me feeling restless and unwilling to sleep, despite knowing I’m at least somewhat tired. Maybe I should be doing something. Drawing, or writing or.... organising my room or something. I don’t know.

I have all these worries about things I can’t control, primarily because I’m unclear as to what’s happening in relation to them. I dislike getting calls or texts early in the morning asking me to work a shift in an hour, rather than be rostered on. I know I’m only a casual employee, but very rarely am I at home during the week, and getting from Salisbury to Hahndorf in under an hour, when you’ve just woken up and are so tired you can’t see the phone screen, is near impossible when it involves a shower and collection of work clothes en route from home.
I worry about the debt I still owe on my car, and what the insurance company is going to ping me with from an accident that happened over 4 months ago. I really need to just call up the woman and tell her that I’ll pay for a panel beater to fix the panel I bumped. It’s $300 vs $1300. I like the former better. I can actually afford that (just).
I worry about my results, which come out in just under 12 hours. I know they’re good, I just really want to know what they are.
I worry about my family, and how things are changing without me being there, which in turn makes me feel worse, and causes more arguments, which then makes me stay around less, and the cycle begins again.
I’m tired. Not physically, but mentally. Despite having a pretty good day, I’m feeling terrible, and just want a cuddle, one that doesn’t involve a 40 min drive by me, to a bedroom half the size of mine and crammed full of clutter. Mind you, the aforementioned death of said character hasn’t helped.

I think I need to get over this compulsive need to be doing something constantly....

Where’s my knitting?

Welcome Home.

So this is the first night I've spent home in a week. Well, almost a week. Certainly feels that way. It'll be nice to have my own bed again, but the flipside of that coin is sleeping alone. I don't like that. I like being with my favouritest-ever person more than one night in a row.

So much has happened, been out and about every day - totally loving it. Not so fantastic is the transformation of my car into a wardrobe and general holds-everything container.

Went paintballing for the first time yesterday, in what i'm sure was over 40 degree heat. We got there late and so only got half the time, but it was good. Got some brilliant bruises from it, too, and all from the last 2 rounds. /Sigh/

Went to a picnic with people from uni and their friends. And it just went to show that high school socialability never ends. Theres always a split in groups somewhere, and sure enough, because I'm not from the in-crowd, I got ignored. To be fair, I'm not really friends with them, and I'd certainly have been more chatty myself had I not been so exhausted, and had been tipsy. But I'm sick of making friends while drunk. Thats only one part or me. It left me with a rather sour taste in my mouth, even despite the excruciating heat.

Really, thats all I have to say for now.

Desiderata

So, going through my Psych notes today, I discovered something i hadn't actually read. And I was blown away. It was written by Max Erhmann in 1927.

 Desiderata

("Desired Things") 

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there mat be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; for they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But to not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. 

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be careful. Strive to be happy.

I think it's beautiful. And it now has a permanent place on my wall.

Stress, holidays, and what to do.

It's been ..... 4 days since I finished for the year, and already I'm beginning to go nuts. Despite having a jam-packed weekend planned, I have a whole 5 days to fill in between then and now. For someone who has to be constantly doing something... this isn't a good idea. By the time Friday night comes around, should I have no work shifts handed to me (which I would LOVE *hint hint*), I'll most likely be found under my bed, rocking sideways dementedly like a catepillar with Parkinson's as there isn't enough room to sit upright and repeat the process.

On the list of potential things to do:

• Go through my makeup and discover what i actually have at disposal. Then, make a list of things that could actually be handy.
• Same is to be said of my stationary.
• Random bits of nonsense are going to be sent to the salvos. 

(i may be looking at my cupboard shelf by shelf as i write this)

• Go through mountain of clothes - decide which t-shirts are still viable running tops, and what are too hideous to be worn out, even whilst jogging.
• Buy more shoes.
• Sort out the photos on my laptop.
• Get photoshop.

• knit.

yes, that isn't a typo   let's rephrase, shall we? .... that is not a typo
 I like to knit. Really, i should have done it more before exams - knitting, i find, is one of the best stress relievers, because it keeps my hands busy, and when i need to use my hands for somewhat complex tasks, I can't talk, or think, simultaneously. I'm rather uni-task limited like that. But it does help for the stress.
My lovely boyfriend appeared in my room last week smiling proudly. "I got you a present. See?" he said as he held out this little wobbly metal thing that you move around and it makes different shapes. "It's for when youre about to have an anxiety freakout and stuff." It can hold things, or look like a flower, or be a (rather large) bracelet. Either way, I took it into my exam (which I'm thinking I did rather well on) and sat there playing with it as the lady read out the usual formalities about mobile phones, cheating, and when we can leave our seats.

I'm missing the heat. We've had a couple of days with rain and general ick, and it's put me in a somewhat crappy mood. Admittedly I'm still going to go for a run tomorrow morning if it's raining like that, though the BoM says it's going to be 21 and relatively decent in beautiful Adelaide.

Step it up a notch, to 27, and we have a deal, atmosphere.