Friday, 10 December 2010

I’ve been watching Stargate for the past few months. Admittedly, it took me about a season and a half to really get into it, but now, I absolutely love it. I’ve always been a sucker for good sci-fi. Just finished season 5, and my favourite character died, for no reason at all. I’m like WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!!!
SO not happy. He’s like my ultimate ideal of a person. And he’s dead. Well, technically, he’s ascended to a higher plane of existence, but it still means the same thing. I am NOT liking this new casting bizzo (even though its nearly 10 years old at this point).


In other news, I’m finally home for the first time since Monday night..... again..... I seem to be making a habit of this. It’s going to need to stop, I’m starting to lose the plot again. You know, the mood swings, irritability, general anxiety and depression that result from me being away from my space too long.
Unfortunately, a by-product of spending so much time with B is that I fear I’m becoming a little addicted. Now, evenings spent doing the same thing as I do at his house (ie, eat dinner, talk to people a bit and end up watching an episode of Stargate), but done here.... leave me feeling restless and unwilling to sleep, despite knowing I’m at least somewhat tired. Maybe I should be doing something. Drawing, or writing or.... organising my room or something. I don’t know.

I have all these worries about things I can’t control, primarily because I’m unclear as to what’s happening in relation to them. I dislike getting calls or texts early in the morning asking me to work a shift in an hour, rather than be rostered on. I know I’m only a casual employee, but very rarely am I at home during the week, and getting from Salisbury to Hahndorf in under an hour, when you’ve just woken up and are so tired you can’t see the phone screen, is near impossible when it involves a shower and collection of work clothes en route from home.
I worry about the debt I still owe on my car, and what the insurance company is going to ping me with from an accident that happened over 4 months ago. I really need to just call up the woman and tell her that I’ll pay for a panel beater to fix the panel I bumped. It’s $300 vs $1300. I like the former better. I can actually afford that (just).
I worry about my results, which come out in just under 12 hours. I know they’re good, I just really want to know what they are.
I worry about my family, and how things are changing without me being there, which in turn makes me feel worse, and causes more arguments, which then makes me stay around less, and the cycle begins again.
I’m tired. Not physically, but mentally. Despite having a pretty good day, I’m feeling terrible, and just want a cuddle, one that doesn’t involve a 40 min drive by me, to a bedroom half the size of mine and crammed full of clutter. Mind you, the aforementioned death of said character hasn’t helped.

I think I need to get over this compulsive need to be doing something constantly....

Where’s my knitting?

1 comment:

  1. I am either doing tons, or not anything at all. I get what you mean at the end with the knitting comment, totally.