Friday, 3 February 2012

Goodbyes aren't really so.

What do you say to someone who, when they're around, makes you a better version of yourself?

"Nice job"?
What if it will be the last words you utter to their face for, at the least, 3-4 months, at most, forever?
Would it be an avalanche of barely-decipherable chatter, or a single utterance?
A lot can be said with a few words, and a few words can mean a lot.

What do you give to someone that, when they see it, or hold it, all they think of is you?
Sentimental teddy bears? Pretty rings?
I have a necklace. A beautifully simple New Zealand jade pendant on a leather loop. It isn't mine, but I have it, despite trying to give it back.
It's a lot easier to give something to a girl. I, for one, wear the pendant with just about everything, and have begun to habitually pull on it whenever I'm stressed, or thinking am about Mike (usually one either induces, or soothes the other).
But what to give, that sums up everything?

I have two weeks -less than two weeks- before my boyfriend returns home to Scotland. I don't know for how long. With the way I feel about him, I'm devastated by this, though I know I can't change anything, so am making an effort not to let it show too much. With two years of this degree left (which I can't transfer to Dundee- I already looked into it), and his overall uncertainty about life in general, it makes for a very dificult situation. All I know is that I'm foolish enough to still believe in the power of the Human Mind. Where there is a will, there is a way.  I tried explaining (tentatively) the plan of long distance to mum - he'll be there setting himself up, I'll be here, focussing on study (which, really, is just as well, because it's one less distraction to be had on the path to HDs), and then I'll go over for three weeks in July.
July..... It sounds so far away....  half a year away, in fact. Think I'll count it down in weeks - might feel like it's actually progressing faster that way.
Regardless, denial is a beautiful thing, and the only thing keeping it all together right now, is knowing that I don't actually lose him, even if hes on the other side of the world.

We're going to make this work....


1 comment:

  1. Sorry to read of your boyfriend leaving. I can understand how you feel.
    But, I agree that you need to remain positive. Long distance can work and I am living proof of that. It takes two though. Dedication, visit as often as you can, talk all the time via text, email, skype....whatever. If you both want it, you both will have it.
    All the best to you both.

    Mrs White