Growing up

So, its official: people I went to primary school with are having kids. I even sat there on the page for several minutes just in case they'd been hacked and it was a prank.
I hear people in their early twenties saying that, and how weird it is. Now I understand. Just wait til my friends start making babies. Talk about bizarre.
What happened to playing in the backyard, mucking around with friends, nights watching movies, or going out?
When did starting a family come into the equation?

Not on my list of things to do in the near future, put it that way.
Thats like.......
/mind implodes/

I think I'd make a great mum-to-be.............. just not right now.
Everyone's like 'yeah, ill have a kid or two'. I sat there and thought about logistics, just for the hell of it. School, food, diapers, furniture, clothes..... they're money munchers. Something tells me that $145 a week after debts taken out wont fulfill that......
Lol.

I wonder what it feels like to be dead?

Realisations

It’s like a bubbling heat
And it won’t go away.
It rises higher and higher,
Until I can’t bear it anymore,
And I get up and move away,
Trying desperately to shake it off.
But it won’t.
And like those before me,
Try though I might,
Determined to not unleash hell,
I do.
And he stands in the firing range,
An easy target,
A forgiving one,
One that says
‘that’s alright,
I love you anyway,
Even when you’re mad;
Even when you’re mad at me.’
And in a split second of clarity I go
‘wow’.
So this is what it’s like
To have someone really love you.
When you're at your ugliest,
they still go
'i think youre so pretty'.
Maybe it’s time I stopped taking advantage
And gave back as good as I get it.
Cause that’s what you deserve.
Even when you drive me crazy
Up the wall, tear-my-hair-out frustration
At the things you say or do,
It’s still there in your eyes.
I see it.
It scares me.
And it makes me stick around for more.
Cause in fits and starts,
Even when I’m mad.
You’re it; you’re you; and you’re mine.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

he's the smile i look for first when i try to be funny,
even if it's just a smile of  'you are such a loser..... but it's cute that you try'

he's the one i can be a nerd with, and talk about computers, games, or sci-fi, and i'm cool.
he's the one i look pretty for when i get dressed up, even though i know he thinks i'm beautiful in just my socks and underwear.
he's the arms that hold me when i wake, crying, from a nightmare.
and he's the one i most look forward to seeing when i wake up,
and my favourite chest to fall asleep on.
he's the one i fight with over how to do the dishes
and whether or not i need a wake up call from mum for work on the weekend.
he's the hand that i hold in front of his mates
and the voice that says 'i love you' on the phone
his is the body warmth i prefer over a blanket,
and even when i'm all alone, and feel like everything is falling apart,
all i have to do is look at my phone,
and his is the face that looks back; his is the message that says 'i'm here for you. i love you, i'm just a call away'
but really, it isn't even that. just a whisper, or a thought, or a smell, or a word, and he's there.
my rock through it all.
he is mine.
and i am his.
and that makes me smile.

We Exist.

It's sunny, and I'm running. All I can feel is the thump, thump, thump of my heels, until I pick up speed and surge ahead as fast as my legs will carry me over the wet sand by the sea. Inhale, Exhale. Over and over, hearing my breath, and losing it in the hiss of the waves. My lungs burn, and are refreshed in turn. I smile, then grin ear to ear, and begin to laugh, breathless noise at first. I'm winning. The sun's reflecting off the water and sand, and it's as though I'm running on light. It's surreal.
My chest feels like it's going to burst. From running or from this incredible bubble of happiness, I don't know. There's a call from behind me, and suddenly a streak of boy flies past, makes up a 20m lead, then whirls around in one jump, spreading his arms wide, as though he's waiting to catch me.
So I jump.
And there's sand in my hair, and face, and up my arms, as we hit the ground. I'm breathless, but I can't breathe for laughing. We don't get up - there's no need. We just lay there, catching out breath, in the damp sand, as the water threatens to swallow us. I shut my eyes and the sun warms my eyelids. It's hard not to think it's all a dream.
But he's real. And I'm real, and the water at out feet is cold.
We Exist.