http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/main.htm
incredible movie......
i recommend that everyoine who can watch it, does.
Granted, some of it is bull, or can be presumed to be... and editing is very, very clever....
but its a good show anyway.
I'd love to know any opinions of it from anyone who's watched it.
Olivia
Saturday, 30 August 2008
Part 1
"Well...?" he looked at me questioningly, waiting for my answer.
"I... I don't know, Jay." it was all too hard at this moment in time. he smiled sympathetically at me, reached up and put a warm, soft palm on my cheek, which I gratefully rested my aching head against. it was times like this when I remembered the exact reason I had fallen in love with him in the first place: it wasn't the answer you gave, it was how you gave it, and how, no matter what that response was, he would always be there to pick me up if I fell suddenly, which i had, further, harder and faster than ever before.
A fat tear fell from my eyelashes and onto my skin, rolling down my cheek and onto my lips. He took me up into his arms and held me tightly, kissing me along the trail of the tear, ending on my lips. I clung on to him as though i would die if i ever let go. In hind sight, if i had let go, i may well have done just that. i was nothing but a shell of a person, consumed by grief, sadness and regret.
He parted from me and looked into my eyes, "Luce, we have to go. we have to be honest. i know it was an accident. they don't. we have to tell them what happened."
I nodded and blew my nose as he let go of me. I pocketed the tissue and gripped his hand tightly as he led me up the garden path to the wooden gate and to the car.
"I'm not leaving you, you know?" he said quietly as he turned out of the driveway and onto the busy street. I chose not to answer: after what I had done - I deserved all that was in my hands, resting empty on my lap.
"Did you hear me?" he said, louder, taking his eyes off the road for a moment to look at me, "I'm not going anywhere."
"I heard." smiling wetly as another fat tear rolled down my face. I laughed suddenly, wiping away more tears, rubbing my swollen belly tenderly as Jay pulled into the car park and got out to open my door for me. I took his hand and together we walked through the doors to the consequences of my actions: my reckoning.
"I... I don't know, Jay." it was all too hard at this moment in time. he smiled sympathetically at me, reached up and put a warm, soft palm on my cheek, which I gratefully rested my aching head against. it was times like this when I remembered the exact reason I had fallen in love with him in the first place: it wasn't the answer you gave, it was how you gave it, and how, no matter what that response was, he would always be there to pick me up if I fell suddenly, which i had, further, harder and faster than ever before.
A fat tear fell from my eyelashes and onto my skin, rolling down my cheek and onto my lips. He took me up into his arms and held me tightly, kissing me along the trail of the tear, ending on my lips. I clung on to him as though i would die if i ever let go. In hind sight, if i had let go, i may well have done just that. i was nothing but a shell of a person, consumed by grief, sadness and regret.
He parted from me and looked into my eyes, "Luce, we have to go. we have to be honest. i know it was an accident. they don't. we have to tell them what happened."
I nodded and blew my nose as he let go of me. I pocketed the tissue and gripped his hand tightly as he led me up the garden path to the wooden gate and to the car.
"I'm not leaving you, you know?" he said quietly as he turned out of the driveway and onto the busy street. I chose not to answer: after what I had done - I deserved all that was in my hands, resting empty on my lap.
"Did you hear me?" he said, louder, taking his eyes off the road for a moment to look at me, "I'm not going anywhere."
"I heard." smiling wetly as another fat tear rolled down my face. I laughed suddenly, wiping away more tears, rubbing my swollen belly tenderly as Jay pulled into the car park and got out to open my door for me. I took his hand and together we walked through the doors to the consequences of my actions: my reckoning.
Thursday, 28 August 2008
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
Dialogue With Myself
There are three people in me:
Olivia
Annabell
Jasmine
Olivia is kind and fun and caring. She loves the sunshine and is hardly angry. She loves to write and paint and is really smart when she chooses to be. Olivia is Calm, Humour, Compassion and Love. She is green and brown and gold - the colours of a sunset in the bush.
Annabell is a daredevil. She is quick-witted, with a razor sharp tongue. She convinces Olivia to do the less moral things, for the thrill. She doesn’t appear often, but when she does, she is called Anger, Rudeness or Irresponsibility. Annabell is red and fluorescent orange - bright and unnatural.
The last of me is called Jasmine. She is slow to speak, and thinks a lot. She is calm, but in a dangerous way - calculated, cool and collected. She never does anything without thinking it through, and the things she does are negative. When she is around it is Procrastination, Depression and Sadness. She lives on the waves of hormonal change and is best mates with Annabell. When they team up Irritation and Loathing emerge. She is the colour between faded liquorice and eggplant purple.
I, as Olivia, am afraid of Jasmine - she is the one who thinks about suicide and slicing open my own flesh - just to know what it feels like to have my hands covered in blood.
She is powerful and dangerous. Thankfully there are those things and people in this world that make me smile inside - my only defence from her.
And right now, Annabell is in full force.
Which brings me to say something hurtful and angry. But this is my therapy, so I will say it.
This is the dialogue of my brain:
A: I hate you for being over there and how i'm stuck over here, unable to reach out for you. And how no matter what I do, when I need you all I have to do is say so and there you are:
Words on my phone screen, telling me you love me and that’s its all okay.
J: It’s not okay....
A: You’re there and I’m here. I hate the way love hurts; I hate how I fell for you. I hate that I don’t care about anything anymore other than you.
I hate love right now.
I hate hormones,
J: for making me feel like I want to kill myself right now.
A: I hate the way that my mother’s words have cut me so deeply. Why should I care what she thinks?
O: Because she’s our mother, that’s why. She is your role model, even though she is very far from perfect, and when you're someone’s hero, and don’t realise it, you don’t know how much impact your words make.
A: But she should KNOW!
O: have you ever told her, literally spoken those words?
A: no.
O: well there you go. Big people forget sometimes.
J: we'll be a big person one day soon... if we're alive that long.
O: we will be - I don't want to die - we have so much to offer the world. What's the point in living if it’s not to make a difference?
J: we aren’t afraid of dying.
A: no - it would be a whole new adventure.
O: maybe so, but we're not finished in this world yet.
A: true. but...
J: why is life so difficult then? Why do I contemplate taking a knife to myself?
O: because that’s what you always do at this time of month - it’s the hormones messing with your mental state.
J: but don't you want to know what it would be like? To feel the warmth running from you?
O: I know what it feels like to slice skin - and I don't want to feel it again.
A: well then WHY are you so WEAK? Why is Jasmine ruling right now? You’re pathetic. Pathetic for falling for someone you will not see for years, if ever. I hate you for being kind and loving. The more you love the more it hurts to know that what you feel, that that which consumes you so completely, is IMPOSSIBLE!!
O: it's not impossible...
A: be real, baby. It won’t happen. He promise to see you and then wont show, or will go back to how it was with the girl who is actually real in his life, and the I will be left picking up the pieces.
He is an amazing person with a whole lot of love to give, but he lives in another world. Be real.
O: no. this IS real. We hurt for a reason: to remind us how good it feels to be happy and in love.
Olivia
Annabell
Jasmine
Olivia is kind and fun and caring. She loves the sunshine and is hardly angry. She loves to write and paint and is really smart when she chooses to be. Olivia is Calm, Humour, Compassion and Love. She is green and brown and gold - the colours of a sunset in the bush.
Annabell is a daredevil. She is quick-witted, with a razor sharp tongue. She convinces Olivia to do the less moral things, for the thrill. She doesn’t appear often, but when she does, she is called Anger, Rudeness or Irresponsibility. Annabell is red and fluorescent orange - bright and unnatural.
The last of me is called Jasmine. She is slow to speak, and thinks a lot. She is calm, but in a dangerous way - calculated, cool and collected. She never does anything without thinking it through, and the things she does are negative. When she is around it is Procrastination, Depression and Sadness. She lives on the waves of hormonal change and is best mates with Annabell. When they team up Irritation and Loathing emerge. She is the colour between faded liquorice and eggplant purple.
I, as Olivia, am afraid of Jasmine - she is the one who thinks about suicide and slicing open my own flesh - just to know what it feels like to have my hands covered in blood.
She is powerful and dangerous. Thankfully there are those things and people in this world that make me smile inside - my only defence from her.
And right now, Annabell is in full force.
Which brings me to say something hurtful and angry. But this is my therapy, so I will say it.
This is the dialogue of my brain:
A: I hate you for being over there and how i'm stuck over here, unable to reach out for you. And how no matter what I do, when I need you all I have to do is say so and there you are:
Words on my phone screen, telling me you love me and that’s its all okay.
J: It’s not okay....
A: You’re there and I’m here. I hate the way love hurts; I hate how I fell for you. I hate that I don’t care about anything anymore other than you.
I hate love right now.
I hate hormones,
J: for making me feel like I want to kill myself right now.
A: I hate the way that my mother’s words have cut me so deeply. Why should I care what she thinks?
O: Because she’s our mother, that’s why. She is your role model, even though she is very far from perfect, and when you're someone’s hero, and don’t realise it, you don’t know how much impact your words make.
A: But she should KNOW!
O: have you ever told her, literally spoken those words?
A: no.
O: well there you go. Big people forget sometimes.
J: we'll be a big person one day soon... if we're alive that long.
O: we will be - I don't want to die - we have so much to offer the world. What's the point in living if it’s not to make a difference?
J: we aren’t afraid of dying.
A: no - it would be a whole new adventure.
O: maybe so, but we're not finished in this world yet.
A: true. but...
J: why is life so difficult then? Why do I contemplate taking a knife to myself?
O: because that’s what you always do at this time of month - it’s the hormones messing with your mental state.
J: but don't you want to know what it would be like? To feel the warmth running from you?
O: I know what it feels like to slice skin - and I don't want to feel it again.
A: well then WHY are you so WEAK? Why is Jasmine ruling right now? You’re pathetic. Pathetic for falling for someone you will not see for years, if ever. I hate you for being kind and loving. The more you love the more it hurts to know that what you feel, that that which consumes you so completely, is IMPOSSIBLE!!
O: it's not impossible...
A: be real, baby. It won’t happen. He promise to see you and then wont show, or will go back to how it was with the girl who is actually real in his life, and the I will be left picking up the pieces.
He is an amazing person with a whole lot of love to give, but he lives in another world. Be real.
O: no. this IS real. We hurt for a reason: to remind us how good it feels to be happy and in love.
Saturday, 23 August 2008
Bored......
*sigh* another week gone......
oh well, at least I have my pockets full of love...... and tissues, haha.
I have to totally complete an art piece in 3 weeks ARGH!!
I'm gonna paint a door. cool, ey?
I hope it is..... its gonna be super hard to change my ideas now....
I should be starting homework.... REALLY don't want to!! *cry* I'm loathing chemistry at the moment... come to think about it.... the only good subjects right now are art and (I can't believe im going to say this..) maths... *screams* haha I'm finally liking mathematics... weird, huh.
Even english is getting a bit hard to sit through - I've finally had enough of Hamlet. Good story, can read the language... but after watching the movies and reading it for about.... 6 weeks straight, its getting kinda frustrating. But its okay - we're starting our major project-things soon ... I like those - we have total control over what we're doing and how we do it.
I think I'll study V for Vendetta.....
I don't have much philosophy-wise to say as of yet (and right now I can't really be bothered writing down all the things I want to say -- the 20cm pile of homework sitting in front of me is diving me the evil eye, and its beginning to creep me out)
Hovever, courtesy of a guy who spoke at a meeting I went to last night, I want to go and work in one of the summer camps in America...
and.... if I'm super-duper crazily lucky... there might be one in Washington....
Olivia
oh well, at least I have my pockets full of love...... and tissues, haha.
I have to totally complete an art piece in 3 weeks ARGH!!
I'm gonna paint a door. cool, ey?
I hope it is..... its gonna be super hard to change my ideas now....
I should be starting homework.... REALLY don't want to!! *cry* I'm loathing chemistry at the moment... come to think about it.... the only good subjects right now are art and (I can't believe im going to say this..) maths... *screams* haha I'm finally liking mathematics... weird, huh.
Even english is getting a bit hard to sit through - I've finally had enough of Hamlet. Good story, can read the language... but after watching the movies and reading it for about.... 6 weeks straight, its getting kinda frustrating. But its okay - we're starting our major project-things soon ... I like those - we have total control over what we're doing and how we do it.
I think I'll study V for Vendetta.....
I don't have much philosophy-wise to say as of yet (and right now I can't really be bothered writing down all the things I want to say -- the 20cm pile of homework sitting in front of me is diving me the evil eye, and its beginning to creep me out)
Hovever, courtesy of a guy who spoke at a meeting I went to last night, I want to go and work in one of the summer camps in America...
and.... if I'm super-duper crazily lucky... there might be one in Washington....
Olivia
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)